Superhero Faction

Immediately after reading this comment from Maxwell:

Maxwell ! said...

thats right! Walnut ass crackery is worth it. I think. Atleast you didn't vomit!

Jake, start working out! I have been and if we all keep it up then in a years time we can form some sort of superhero faction. Names?

January 30, 2009 9:25 PM

I thought of my superhero name.

I want to be Gluteus Von Maximus!!!

Sounds glamorous and very, very ASS-KICKING!!!

Other names I have thought of are Quadrilateral The Great, and Latissimus Dorsi of Yonder.

I'm really excited. We need a comic book!

In other news...

My training last night was utterly pathetic on my part. I ate a large bag of microwave popcorn for breakfast with a few glasses of real fruit juice. That was all I ate all day. I may have also eaten a spoonful of peanut butter, but I can't quite remember. My work out was for 6 pm. I was pretty hungry and sore and tired and over all just lifeless. Luis could tell. I've also been spelling his name wrong, (there's no "O" and his last name is Gondzalous or something to the effect. Very ethnic sounding.)

He said that because I had such a strenuous workout the day before, I havent' quite built up all my energy, so he took it pretty easy on me. I'm coming down with a cold too. I guess I should start eating more than a bag of popcorn for breakfast. It wasn't even light, half-salt, or low fat or anything. It was the extra buttery sinful kind. The good kind.

We booked three days for next week, (Monday, Wednesday, Thursday) at 8:30 in the morning! It's the only time of the day I can come since I'm working 10:30-7:15 pm and because parking costs $10 a fucking day; I try to take the bus which only costs $2 a ride. That means at 9:30 when my work out ends I'll have to hurry home, get ready for work in like 15 minutes, and catch the bus at 10:00 to be at work on time.

I'm debating if I should shower at the gym or not.

I've seen TWO naked ladies already. No, they were not attractive. They were old. And naked.

These ladies go to the gym and are friends (I'm assuming) and as they undress completely in front of each other, talk about their work out scheds and their bodies and their families.... and it's awkward.

I wonder how old I'll be, and at what point in my life I'll be, when I decide that I'm comfortable enough to be completely naked in front of complete strangers. From what I've seen in the locker room thus far, I have 20-30 years.

Can't Walk

I seriously cannot even walk right now. It hurts to move. Louis worked me hard!!! We focused on legs.

Halfway through my work out I was starting to feel like jello and my legs were so wobbly I felt like Bambie on ice.

At 10:45 I went to bed. By 'went to bed' I mean I layed there for a full hour before turning to look at the time and realize I had been wide awake for a full 60 minutes. I just wasn't tired even though I felt tired. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep shortly after.

I woke up sometime around 3:30 I suspect. I was thirsty and my legs ached so much, I just couldn't get comfortable. My nose was running and I think I'm coming down with a cold.

NEVER WORK OUT! YOU GET SICK, CAN'T SLEEP, AND HURT THE NEXT DAY!!!!!

Better Late Than Never

My second day of training with Louis was so-so at first. I arrived late and that did not impress him. He gave me a short lecture about making sure to arrive at the gym early so I can warm up and be ready to go right on time.

I made sure to work extra hard during our session. I felt as though I needed to prove myself.

I'm paying for it today. I'm sore all over. We worked my chest, upper back, lower back, shoulders, biceps, triceps, and abs. After my session I took a brisk walk on the treadmill for 25 minutes while waiting for my centurgy class to begin.

During my walk I noticed that Louis was now working with his other girl... the girl with 30% body fat! OHH!!! Haha that was mean...

Because of my centurgy class, my flexibility has improved drastically!

That was actually a loaded sentence.

I should mention that I took 10 years of dance class. My flexibility was at it's peak about 3 years ago. I have not taken dance class for 3 years. I have occasionally stretched and practiced a few things over the years, but I lost a lot of my flexibility and balance simply from not practicing it!

Since joining centurgy and attending class regularily I have regained some of the flexibility and balance that was lost from not practicing.

Apparently next week is the start of all new "tracks" as they're called. Basically they switch up the routine every so often just to freshen things up and to challege the body. I'm pretty stoked on it.

Tomorrow and Friday I will have my 4th and 5th session with Louis. We'll be focussing on my back, abs, legs, and bum as Louis called it. I'm not really worried about toning my legs and glutes. I have a pretty nice ass as is, but I guess it doesn't hurt.

And I promise that I'll show up on time!

First Day With Louis!

Louis is my wonderful trainer. He's short and stocky and totally biceptacle! We did my measurements, (He measured my "chest" hahaha awkward) and my thigh, calf, and waist. I wanted him to measure my bicep but he didn't and I didn't want to ask. I'll just measure it myself at home... - and I've measured it... - It's 12 or maybe 13 inches of biceptacle girth! And that's just my left arm! We never measured anything on my right side of my body.

Then the second scariest part came; stepping on the scale. Last time I measured myself was 2 days ago after drinking a few vodka/crans. I was 159.5 lbs. (It was a digital scale)

I could be a better weight. I'm only 5'7" so, I wish I was a bit leaner.

Today when I was weighed at Shapes by Louis I was 152 lbs. Apparently sleeping and being sober makes me lose 7.5 pounds! Corrolation or Causation folks? Haha

Then the first scariest part was next; my body fat percentage. I've never had my body fat percentage measured. Apparently there's a formula you can follow, but at Shapes we use magic to calculate our body fat percentage.

Actually it's very scientific. You hold your arms out in front of you and grip this "thing" (I don't know what to call it) and it sends electric signals throughout your body and returns with your body fat percentage. It calculates how much water is in your body, your bone density, all that fun stuff.

So I am proud to say I have a healthy 23.4 % body fat. Please refer to the chart below.

Body Fat Percentage Categories
Classification	Women (% fat)	Men (% fat)
Essential Fat	10-12%	2-4%
Athletes	14-20%	6-13%
Fitness	21-24%	14-17%
Acceptable	25-31%	18-25%
Obese	32%+	25%+

How wonderful, is it not? I'm in the good to fair range... still a long way from the excellent range though!

Calculate Your Body Fat Percentage Here!

Click that link above to calculate your own body fat percentage on your own the hard way without the fancy magic of having your own personal trainer named Louis.

Louis said he's happy that I'm starting off with a low body fat because the girl he was working with before me was apparently starting at 30%, which, when you refer to the chart, is in the acceptable range, but is also boarder-lining obesity.

After that I explained my goals of wanting to build upper body strength and to tone my body over all. He walked me through several exercises to strengthen my back and shoulder and chest. 30 lbs seems to be my lucky weight. Anything over that and I can't lift it. Louis called me a "strong girl" and his comment made me feel solid like an ox.

We're meeting again tomorrow morning at 9 and at 4 pm on Thursday and Friday. He's going to walk me through my arm and leg and core exercises. I would kill for a six-pack. Y'all know Fergy? She's got abs and I like them! I like a girl with muscles. Not many people do. They think it's gross, but I like it! But I am also 50% lesbien so that must be the explanation why I like muscular females.

I really wish my boyfriend would go to the gym now, too. Then we can be the most ass-kicking couple in our apartment block... maybe even in our city! That's a tall order though... Dave needs to shape up or ship out... Not that I'd ship him out if he had a body fat percentage of 25% or over. More cushion for the pushin' I suppose. I'd probably just stop baking him chocolate cookie and letting him drink 2% milk if he got too fat.

(Hear that David? No more milk for you, potential fatty!) Just kidding! Love You, sweetheart!

Personal Trainer

I have signed up for my Shapes membership for one year. I also bought six 45 minute sessions with Louis, my personal trainer.

A lot of people at my work have personal trainers. Not a lot of people. A few people. Maybe 2 that I can name right now.

I wanted one. A personal trainer that is.

I've always wanted one. So I could be like a celebrity.

Anyway, my first session is on Monday at 11:30 right after my century class. I'm kind of nervous. He's going to be so big, burly, and... another b word to describe a muscular man... bicep. That's all I got. How about biceptacle... rhymes with spectacle. It means a spectacle of a bicep. Yes... He shall be biceptacle.

My reasoning for getting a personal trainer, is because I'd like to work on my upper body strength. I'm kind of weak. Not a weakling by any means, but just, weaker than all the manly, middle-aged men at CBC.

I can carry my gear a fair distance but, once I get to where I need to setup I'm so worn out from the trek that my arms ache and shoulders hurt. I have a hard time going hand-held for long period of time because of lack of upper body strength. The end result is wobbly-cam.

I hope to see my trainer every other month for a year so we can do the assessment thing and see how much I'm improving. The trainer is probably going to weigh me, measure my arms and waist and crap like that. He better not measure my bust though!!! (Although what little cleavage I have, I'd love to keep!)

I'm surprised I was given a male trainer. I'm not upset about it at all, but I thought that it was kind of like girls go with girls and boys go with boys type deal. It's probably better this way. I may have felt intimidated having a female trainer who's super buff and in shape and I'm just this average girl with a soft tummy and limited strength.

Apparently trainers can even set you up with a meal plan. I don't think I'll be needing that, but it's kind of interesting. I'm not really trying to lose weight. I hope in the process that I do lose some weight, maybe 20 pounds, but muscle weighs more than fat, right?

Wish me luck!

Yoga Mat

I went to the Real Canadian Superstore to get 3 things: My photos I had developed, hamburger meat, and mixed lentils.

I walked away with: my photos, hamburger meat, and a yoga mat with matching bag and foam blocks.

They didn't have mixed lentils.

Since I've had one successful yoga class, and the mat with carrying case and foam blocks was only $15, I thought it was a good excuse to purchase something that will aid me in the success of my outstanding cause.

Plus it's green, my favourite colour.

Thursday is my day off. I will spend Thursday doing yoga and other group classes offered at Shapes. Until then... well, I don't know. I guess I could practice at home now that I have a mat. I probably won't since I'm so freaking lazy. Then again... maybe I'll make inspirational posters and hang them around my house to remind me to practice.

I really like making inspirational posters because it gives me an excuse to colour with markers and buy stickers. I LOVE stickers!!!

I'm really glad it came with a matching carrying case, because let's say I drop it in the snow, it won't get all dirty. Plus it matches. Girls care about that. Most of us do. And if a girl says she doesn't care, she's lying. She secretly wishes everything matched.

Now if only I can find a yoga outfit in the same colour of green I'd be set!

Well that lasted long

I go to yoga ONE TIME and haven't been back since.

I super suck at this. I was totally going to go this morning, but I wasn't feeling well and I had a breakfast date with friends at the Pancake House (awesome restaurant)

So tomorrow I'll see how I'm feeling. I know there's a 10:30 class.

I'm just at work right now listening to the police scanner. Some guy is trying to commit suicide but police are trying to stop him. Sad.

Success At Last!

Today Dave and I woke up at 9, got ready, arrived right on time for our Centergy class. It was AWESOME!

Dave wasn't too grumbly about it and admitted after the class that he enjoyed himself and would do it again. This has made me tres happy!

Tomorrow I don't work, so I'm going to go to the class again and sign up for a 3 month membership. I'm trying to convince my sister to come with me tomorrow because she's not working either and she got a shapes membership for christmas and hasn't even used it yet. (bitch)

So anyway, happy day!

My entire body is sore. It was originally a good sore, but since hauling camera gear all over the place, I am now feeling bad sore in my neck and upper body. Hopefully tomorrow's class will loosen me up!

whoops again!

This morning Dave and I woke up at 9:15 ish and got ready to go to our Centurgy class at Shapes on Pembina. It's a yoga-lates... mix of yoga and pilates.

I approach the desk and say, I'm here for the 10:30 Centurgy class. I went though all the first timers bull shit. Sign this, pay for that... blah blah.

And then...

Her: Oh, um, actually the Centurgy class was at 9:30 this morning.

Me: Really? I could have sworn on the website it was 10:30.

Her: No... it started at 9:30. Tomorrow it starts at 10:30. Here's a new schedule.

My Brain: YOU STUPID FUCK! Why the hell didn't you tell me that BEFORE I signed my life away and paid for the damn class? When I approached the desk and said specifically that I am here for the 10:30 class, couldn't you have said something??? Jesus.

So tomorrow dave and I are going in for the 10:30 class. They're saving all our paperwork so we can just walk right in. Sigh. Idiots.

Another Day, Another Failure

I woke up at 9 this morning to take a yoga class before my 2pm shift.

Turns out they don't offer the class on Fridays. (!@#$%&)

Ah well. I touched my toes in the shower. Tomorrow, for seriously realz I'm going to take a 10:30 yoga class with the Darling David and it's going to be awesome!

I bought him Adidas sweat pants from Foot Locker this week. (And the sales clerk was a douche too) They are not going to waste! That clerk was way too much of a wigger jock strap. He'd cranked up the shitty rap music and was doing a bit of a white-boy-I-think-I'm-hot-shit dance. AND singling along. Rapping along. Whatever.

But he totally wasn't even cool at all. He didn't acknowledge me coming into the store. I got the impression that he only talks to girls who are 5 foot 4, with fake blonde hair and an unnatural tan. Then he came over to me to greet me. Finally. I said I was looking for sweat pants for my boyfriend and I thought he was a medium. The guy looks at me. Pause. "So what size is he?"

Are you fucking kidding me? I just said, MEDIUM!

Me: "He's like the size of me." You dumb fuck.

Him: "Yeah okay, but like, what's his waist size"

Me: (confused) "Uh, I think a 32 waist?"

Him: "Oh yeah that's a medium."

He walks away.

I blink. You've gotta be fucking kidding me. What an ignorant fuck.
He didn't even help me find a medium either. He could have been like, oh here's a medium in this style... there's a medium in this style over here. You know, like, do his job.

I was going to buy new pants too, a motivational tool, but they were $75 and I said fuck that. Did I write that in my last blog? I dont' remember.

Emelio stuck his paw in my oatmeal... it's still good. I'll eat it. It's my punishment for not exercising. At least I have my light silk to drink.

Epic Fail

Well, perhaps not epic... but I am a failure this week.

I spent over $300 during a 2-day shopping spree. Throw in another $120 for getting my hair done.

Still haven't gone to yoga.

I should be shot.

I tried on yoga pants today. Does that count? No. They were fucking $75! That' s dumb I say.

I planned 3 times to go to yoga... and they all fell through.

I'm not giving up though. I'm going to do this...

...

... right after I finish this novel by Jodi Picoult!

Yoga Research

I did some research on Wikipedia about yoga. I have much to learn. It's too late to post my findings as I must exhaust more than just one source.

Dear Maxwell

Maxwell... yoga is the best thing for your body! Seriously.

It improves your body's balance (and your mind's), it improves flexibility, blood circulation, and all around relaxes and rejuvenates you.

There's a LOT of men who take yoga classes. (And the male instructors are simply delicious to look at)

If you like doing yoga via DVD lessons in your living room, so be it. You don't have to leave the comfort of your home or spend money on lessons. You can just do it whenever you want!

I have enough room in my house to do yoga at home, but I don't have the motivation to keep it up. I think that if I pay or the classes, it's like, well I paid for it, I better not waste it type of deal.

On a darker note - many religions have banned their people for participating in evil activities such as yoga, pilates, and more! It sounds ridiculous, but their reasoning behind it is that these activities originated from places like India where they don't practice Christianity. Yoga is connected to Buddhism I think and is all spiritual and stuff.

I don't have time to do the proper research on it right now, but I think later tonight I'll post again after sufficiently preparing myself. I really went into this blog without thinking.

Come back later and I'll have blogged something factual.

Exercise

I've got an entire week off work and I'm going to EXERCISE!

Hooray!

I think.

I'm feeling pretty stoked on it.

January Fifth comes soon...