The Twist

I made a new friend from Iran, and he told me that it is customary to donate to charity if you receive good news. The better the news, the more you donate. Today I'm wondering if there are any customs for if you receive horrible news.

My X-ray showed that my collar bone is not healed. There is a gap a couple centimeters wide that could never fuse together because it's so far away. I now need to have surgery to pin it and correct the problem. These past 6 weeks have been a total waste and I now have to start this process all over again from scratch.

Devastated doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I feel like I'm letting everyone around me down. People are counting on me and I can't deliver and it feels terrible to let down the people I love most. It's out of my hands, but that just makes me feel more out of control.

It was out of everybody's hands. Nobody could have predicted this. I asked my doctor if he had taken my X-ray 6 weeks ago, would that have changed my treatment plan, and he said no. He said he would have tried the sling first. Maybe he just said that to make me feel better, but I don't blame him. He did his job to the best of his ability and I trust my doctor. Best case scenario, even if I had the surgery in January, I would still be out of commission until at least March. It's quite possible I could be out of commission until April or May.

The only thing I can control is my attitude. Six weeks ago I felt sorry for myself. I blamed myself for falling off the pole. The whole fucking thing could have been prevented. Now, I just feel sorry for others. I'm not coming through on promises I made to friends, my boss, or even Bob. Poor Bobby has been shouldering the most and he rarely, if ever, complains to my face. I know it's been extra hard on him, so knowing that I'm about to put him through it all over again pains me deeply.

I thought I was at the end of the race and I could go back to work in the new year, but I'm not even half way there yet. I feel like somebody played a cruel trick on me. This has been the most exhausting time of my life.

3 Inches

Every year after Christmas, I revamp my blog and talk about my new year's resolutions goals. I recap on how well I did fulfilling the previous year's goals and give my readers perspective on where my life trajectory is pointed.

It's coming a little early this year. Resolutions aside, I need to "shave" 3 inches off my hips in order to fit into the bridesmaid dress ordered for me. I'm too pear shaped as it were and to save in alteration fees, it was recommended that I go this route. I can't tell a lie. I gained a few pounds since breaking my collar bone. That's what happens when you don't do anything physical at all and eat out of boredom.

Some people may be offended that I'm making myself fit the dress instead of making the dress fit me, but I see this as a wonderful challenge and I feel really motivated to count calories properly and make a lifestyle change. I've set a realistic goal of losing 5 pounds a month. There's a lot of really helpful information online that I've read through and I feel confident that I know what I'm doing.

I see my doctor for an x-ray next week and I'll talk about it with him then. I'm focusing a lot on food intake because I just can't do full body workouts until I have full mobility in my arm and shoulder. It will take weeks before I am physically able to do what I used to do. I've got 7 months to do this and if I start with reducing calories now, and slowly add more exercise in as my body allows, I think I have a fair shot at meeting or exceeding my goal.

Obviously Christmas is going to be set back. I will attempt to portion control the 2 big dinners I get to eat and I will completely skip on the chocolate and dainties and alcohol served. I will eat my mother's traditional Christmas pudding however because that's only served once a year and it tastes super good.

The biggest obstacle I face will be my boyfriend. He likes to snack. I don't want to talk about his eating habits too much, but he has no problem sitting next to me on the couch eating delicious high-calorie foods that I can no longer afford to eat as part of my new calorie budget. My mouth is watering just thinking about ice cream and chips, but rice cakes and low fat pudding are tasty too. Perhaps after a while I won't even miss them!

Anyway, cheer me on! It's going to be a long, hard seven months, but definitely worth it when those bridal party pictures are snapped and I look gorgeous for eternity.

Smart Spanking

Spanking is just like abortion or politics; it's always up for debate. I was reading an article by John Hoffman on Today's Parent about Smart Spanking and how the myth that spanking can be used as a tool to teach children about their wrongdoings has been busted completely. They caught parents on tape impulsively spanking their children out of anger and frustration because they were at a loss for what to do. How is that smart?


I grew up in a house that condoned spanking. Mom had other forms of discipline, but she let Dad spank my sister and I when he was home. I had very mixed feelings about my father when I was young. He never played with us or read to us, but we knew he was in a good mood if he wanted to have a tickle fight.

He honestly had no patience for children and he would roar at us. I actually had friends that didn't want to come over to my house to play because he scared them. At least they didn't have to live with him... I wet myself once when he spanked me.


I never wanted to be left alone with him. Mom had to leave the house one night and I couldn't go with her. I bawled my eyes out, pleading with her, please take me with you, let me go with you! Don't leave me here with him! How terribly sad is it that a daughter is so afraid of her father when she's supposed to look up to him to protect her. And he never used a paddle or belt or bare bottom either! I can't imagine the hell those kids went through growing up! Spanking should be child abuse. Hitting your child anywhere should be child abuse!


But, the Canadian government condones it. Section 43 of Canada’s Criminal Code allows “reasonable” hitting of children (aged two to 12) for corrective purposes.

Total WTF moment, right? They've done study after study after study proving the long-term and negative side effects of spanking, yet, people don't want to believe it! My father pretty well failed across the board when it came to parenting and being a husband. He was shitty role model to begin with. However, let's say we took spanking out of the equation, maybe I would have been much less afraid of him and maybe I would have trusted him. Having a slightly better relationship with my father as a child may have been the boost needed to having a slightly better adult life. It all adds up.


There is no such thing as "smart spanking" and I for one will never spank, hit, slap, or even tap my future children anywhere on their bodies. Quite simply it is wrong. I think it teaches aggression, distrust, and is the total opposite of the "use-your-words" technique that we try to teach children so they can express themselves without hitting or screaming.

"Best Times" of Our Lives

Why does every teen-based television show and movie have characters talk about how they want high school, especially grade 12, to be the best time of their lives? People actually seem legitimately worried that they're not milking every last drop of experience from their youth to be cherished later because they think it's all down hill after high school.

I could not wait for high school to end. I had falling outs with friends, I got made fun of, and I had zero school spirit. I have great memories and funny stories from that time, but I also experienced a lot of hurt and humiliation.

Raise your hand if you would redo high school and not change a thing.
What's that? High school sucked for you too? You mean grade 12  wasn't the epitome of your life either?

If I could redo high school, I would change everything.

Hands down, the best time of my life thus far worth reliving verbatim was college! I had true freedom and experimented with everything. Everything was new; new city, way of living, school, friends... It was the first time I felt uninhibited and could be myself without any cruel backlash. I bonded really well.

My life is only a 1/4 of the way through at best. There have been several highlights in my life, none greater than any of the others, and I fully expect to have more before I die. Perhaps the best time of my life will be when I'm 55! Who knows?

Too many people live for the past. Life doesn't end after high school, or college, or marriage, or children. It ends when your heart stops. I mean that both figuratively and literally.

Dress Codes

I remember in the 9th grade I wore knee-high chunky black boots, a black mini-skirt, and a red spaghetti strap tank top to the school dance. That was the cool thing to wear. Nobody said shit to me about it except a 12th grader who took one look at me and said "We're not going to the bar, honey."

I was so mad at that bitch, especially since she was wearing an ultra low cut top, cut off short-shorts and flip flops. I remember I had this awesome come-back, "We're not going to the beach either, honey." but I didn't dare say it to her for fear of getting my ass kicked.

My school had a very, very relaxed dress code. We could wear almost anything we wanted to school, with a few exceptions. I can recall one girl getting in trouble for wearing tights as pants, and the teacher kicked her out of class and told her to put some real clothes on. That was hilarious for me because I didn't like that girl. Also, tights as pants? I've seen her recently. She still wears tights as pants. Some people never learn.

I can also recall one girl with a very large bust getting in trouble for wearing a spaghetti strap tank top because she was exposing too much cleavage. She complained she shouldn't get penalized when girls with "no boobs" got to wear spaghetti straps and it wasn't her fault she had big tits. After that, nobody could wear spaghetti straps unless you had a sweater to cover up with. Big titties always ruin everything for no-boobs girls like me.

One girl used to wear low rise jeans and yank her thong up to her hips so you could see it and she never got in trouble. I don't think we had inch restrictions on shorts or skirts either. I used to wear the shortest, tightest denim shorts to school. We couldn't bare our midriff, nor could we wear tube tops, unless we had something to cover our shoulders. Girls used to wear fuzzy pajama pants to school! I can't remember if those got banned or not. I think the blankets they carried around got banned.

Uniforms in school is just a precursor to wearing uniforms at work. And dress codes at school are a precursor to dress codes at work. We're not going to the bar and we're not going to the beach. We're going to an institution to learn, or out to make a living and we need to look the part.

An Ontario school is proposing a ban on tight fitting yoga pants. Obviously people everywhere are complaining a lot. Oh but they're so comfy, I learn better when I'm comfortable. Oh, they're too tight in the butt and distracting, we need to get rid of them so the boys can learn.

News flash! Girls can wear burlap sacks to school and boys will pop boners and fantasize about what's under that sack during class anyway. News flash again! All classes that aren't gym class don't require gym attire. If you're not doing yoga, don't wear yoga pants.

The school says they actually have a ban on all form fitting clothing. That doesn't even make sense. Growing up I was a very thin girl, including in high school. If I put on a long sleeved shirt that fit properly and jeans that fit me and were not skin tight, you could see the shape of my body clearly and you could see what little curves I had. I wasn't wearing a sexy outfit. I was just wearing normal jeans and a shirt. Clothes that fit you properly ARE form fitting. Is everybody supposed to walk around school wearing baggy pants and baggy sweaters so nobody has any idea what body type you are? Ridiculous!

This should be the dress code rules: If you'd wear it to the beach, the bar, the gym, or to bed, don't wear it to school. Express yourself however you want, but keep in mind that the "real world" doesn't begin after high school graduation; you're actually born into the real world and should dress appropriately for the occasion and your age at all times.

Parents Don't Always Know Best!

This blog is sprung from an article here and comments I read here.

A 9 year old weighing in the range of 200 pounds was removed from his home in Ohio and placed in foster care because his parents failed to help him lose weight. After working with the family for more than a year, the state determined that the mother's inability to get her son's weight down was a form of medical neglect. They said his weight gain was due to his environment on his mother was not following doctor's orders.

I agree with the state of Ohio's decision to remove the child to help him improve his health - What I don't agree with is the mindless comments people make about the article. (yes the internet is full of idiots.... whatever!)

People assume that this family is poor and cannot afford "nutritious" food.
People assume that this entire family is fat.
People assume that all this family eats is "junk food."

Then people get into debates about what is considered healthy or unhealthy food and food banks and budgeting and cost of living and poor people strife. It's all completely off topic!

The ONLY thing we know about this family is they have a morbidly obese son. Perhaps the mom is mammoth-sized and perhaps she's a healthy weight. We don't know. Perhaps she feeds him a healthy dinner every night and the boy goes back for a third or fourth helping, plus dessert. Perhaps she feels guilty about something and part of her parenting style is to bribe and reward with food. Maybe she coddles him and won't let him walk to school or do housework. Maybe he doesn't make friends easily and has very low self-esteem and his family comforts him with food.

I think it's less about income or food choices and more about portion control and lack of parenting skills. Parents of all social classes want their children to behave and listen. Sometimes it's easier to let the TV babysit and sometimes it's easier to give in and hand out the cookies. It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor; you can still be a clueless parent and let your kid become fat. If you discipline consistently and set rules and limits, 200 pound third graders wouldn't be our reality today.

In conclusion, the government should always step in when a child is severely overweight and force parents to take nutrition and parenting classes. If a healthier lifestyle isn't achieved in a year, that poor kid needs to leave and live somewhere where he can helped. Parents don't always know what's best and children learn a lot from their parents!

SOLD

Today I sold my dance pole. It was a bittersweet moment. I cried when I posted the ad, but now that I have a buyer coming and I'm going to have cash in my hand, I feel good knowing I made a fair sale. She haggled me down $100 and tried to haggle another $20, but I put my foot down and stayed firm on my bottom line. She said okay and we made arrangements for her to collect the pole.

Another thing happened today. Against the recommendation of the bank, the internet, and probably anyone who reads this, I withdrew $1200 from my RSP account. $120 was deducted for taxes and I still have $2000 left in the account.

I just really need the money. I've already spoken to the bank twice and they tried to help me the best the could, but it wasn't enough. I'm in the hole $20,000 and extending credit limits or increasing my overdraft limit, like the bank suggested, will just put me in more debt. The amount I would owe in interest fees overtime would be much greater than the amount taxed from my RSP withdrawal.

I've been working on trying to get some under the table type jobs for extra cash, but nobody's very good at seeing a conversation through to the end. I get a reply back and when I try to firm up a date and time to meet, they don't follow through, don't email back, don't phone me back. It's frustrating.

Right now I'm cold call canvassing for a guy that clears snow. It's a lot of work I don't get paid for, but hopefully I'll get something out of it. I might also get this babysitting job, but she won't firm up a meeting time.

By the time I get my first EI payment, I'll be due back at work soon enough. The nightmare will be over. Having no job and no savings and no arm over the holiday season is truly a hell I never wish to tread through again. I was so unprepared for an emergency and I can't believe it happened to me and now! Save your money kiddies! You too, could seriously injure yourself while drunk or sober, upside down on a pole or right-side up on the ground.

Pregnant In Heels

Rosie Pope - Maternity Concierge

I started watching this reality show several months back and found it to be an eye-opener of how rich and stupid people can be. Rosie Pope is a designer and "maternity concierge" helping mega-rich mommies get prepared for motherhood. It's ridiculous. These women are seriously 9 months pregnant and wear six inch stilettos. They also do their hair and makeup before giving birth.

Rosie's show is so interesting to me because I find Rosie herself to be fascinating. Her muddled English-American hybrid accent makes her sound like she's got a speech impediment, though she swears she doesn't. She studied neuroscience at Columbia University. She used to be a ballet dancer and a model too.

She also used to be a baroness, (or maybe she still is, I don't know,) but her mother renounced the title for political reasons. Maybe it's because Rosie married an American?

Her first born son was conceived easily without problems. She thought she was a Fertile Myrtle as it were, but when she tried to conceive again she came across a multitude of problems.

Here's where I stop respecting Rosie Pope and everyone else calls her an inspiration.

Her first born was a miracle and the chances of her conceiving that baby were slim because she was born with a heart-shaped uterus. Trying to conceive again was a disaster. After trying IVF, she had an ectopic pregnancy which chemotherapy wouldn't terminate properly and her fallopian tube had to be removed.

If I believed in God, that would be God's way of saying, You ain't having a baby!

I don't know how she did it - and at this point, don't care to know - but as of October 2011 she's expecting her THIRD child! She probably had a whole lot of of medical rigamarole to go through to get to where she is too. A woman of old money who worked so hard to create her own wealthy business obviously can pay all those medical bills and special fertility treatments, but why?

She already gave birth to her miracle baby; why does she need 2 more? Why can't she adopt? It seems like adoptions are only popular after an earthquake or tsunami.

I know they're more expensive than IVF treatments, but adoption always ends in a child. When kids don't get adopted, they go into foster homes and that's where they stay until they turn 18. I'd rather be apart of an adopted family than no family. And even if it takes the parents 2 years to finally adopt, it's way better than some 40 year old trying to get IVF treatments.

Recovery

Since breaking my collar bone two weeks ago I have done nothing physical at all. I still experience mild pain and discomfort during the day, but because I remain so still all the time, I mostly feel no pain at all unless I move my shoulder by accident.

Sometimes the cats will get into trouble and I'll jump up to stop them, forgetting I cannot do that, and will experience intense pain. When I'm half asleep in bed I'll sometimes try to stretch both arms over my head. That hurts like a bitch so I wear my sling to bed to prevent that from happening again.

During the first week of recovery all I did was sleep and I barely ate anything. Now, I'm sleeping a regular 8 hours and not taking naps during the day. I get quite tired whenever I have to leave the house, but that doesn't happen often. I'm eating a normal amount, but I find as my energy levels are starting to return to normal I am physically unable to expend energy in my apartment suite.

I also can't leave my apartment suite. I can't put on my coat, I can't lock up, I can't drive, I actually can't put on my winter boots by myself. I would love to go for a walk, especially since the weather is nice and the chances of me slipping and falling are slim, but I'm also really nervous to go alone in case something happens to me. There's nothing around here except a few dog walkers.

Then it occurred to me that I could do stair walking. There's 4 flights of stairs just waiting to be walked on. I'd most likely get bored of walking up and down the stairs within a couple of minutes, but I don't have to treat it like an exercise regime. I'll listen to my iPod and just do what I can for as long as I can.

Bob's going for a run tonight... I'll have to try out my new hobby. I can't be much more boring than what's on my pvr.

Broken Collar Bone

In an attempt to lead a normal lifestyle, I am blogging with two hands, even though my left arm is in a sling. It's uncomfortable, but not painful. As most of you know already, I broke my collar bone while drunken pole dancing in my kitchen. I went upside down, couldn't grip the pole properly, couldn't fall or land properly, thus landing directly on my clavicle like an idiot.

Breaking your collar bone totally sucks, but it's not as painful as one might imagine it to be. It's only been 2 days and my pain level is between 0-3 out of 10 at any one time. The worst pain occurs when I'm lying flat on my back and then try to get up. I sleep on the left side of the bed and the break is on my left side. Not a lot of leverage there. I should actually switch sides with Bob.

The other time my pain skyrockets is when I try to hold something too heavy in my left hand, like a full glass of water, when I move my arm too much, or if I bend over, or lean back too far.

My armpit is constantly itchy. That's the worst because I can't get in there lol. Oh, and the cats all want to sit on my sling!

It's been a pretty good weekend all things considering. The T3's have made me throw up once. Bob brought me a bucket with minutes to spare. Bob's been doing a lot for me. Each morning he dresses me and does my hair. He makes me breakfast, he's at my beck and call, getting me an extra pillow, helping me get comfortable, getting me water, my pills, the medicinal peas (ice bag) and taking care of my precious kitty cats. We even shared a shower and he washed my hair for me!

He's the most generous, loving man and I wouldn't be able to do this without him.

Today my sister is bringing my car to Boyd to finally get that broken window from summer fixed. I can't drive, but it's good to get that fixed. My other plans this week include seeing my family doctor, my psychiatrist, and filing a claim with EI. I'll have to work around Bob's and my mom's and sister's schedule since they're the ones hauling my ass around.

It's a shitty thing to have happen at a shitty time too. It's going to be an annoying month more so than a rough month. My mobility has improved a lot since Friday and I'll be good to go sooner rather than later I think. The way I see it, I broke the best bone. Ribs would hurt way more! Breaking an arm or leg would be way more inconvenient! Grandma broke her clavicle over a year ago and she's almost 90! She's doing great! There's hope for me yet.

Galton Whistle

After exhausting all other ideas to stop Crush from scratching the bedroom door frame, I've decided to pull one more rabbit outta my hat. If this doesn't work I'm done trying!

It occurred to me one night that my problems would be solved if I could only find something that was disturbing for the cats, but not at all unpleasant for humans. The dog whistle - or Galton whistle if we want to get technical - is the perfect solution. The cats can hear it and I cannot.

Everyone calls it a dog whistle because it's used to train dogs and that's the largest market. I doesn't have to end there though; you can train any animal with any kind of whistle. My master plan is to use the whistle in conjunction with my voice and hand commands until one day I don't have to do anything because the damn cats will have learned what is appropriate behaviour.

Early in the morning when the cats are scratching the door I can blow the whistle and they'll be disturbed and stop. I won't be annoying any of my neighbours. I don't have to get out of bed. I don't have to yell. My only concern is the other dogs in the building hearing the whistle and getting riled up. If that happens there's nothing I can do and nobody will be able to blame me because how would they'd know? Ha!

Making Friends in Movies

I watched the movie "Terri" the other night. It was about some high school misfits who make friends in a heartwarming coming-of-age type way. It wasn't a bad movie, but I wouldn't watch it again.

Anyway, it got me to thinking... why is it that the protagonist never has to make friends? He or she is in this new environment, new town, new school, new whatever, and there's always one person that comes along and befriends him or her. And this person doing the befriending becomes some sort of best friend too quickly, as if he or she has all the time and conversation starters in the world and doesn't have other friends and family to tend to.

Then this "new friend" introduces the protagonist to a couple of other people and together they go on some sort of adventure, have an amazing summer, or save the world or what have you. The protagonist is usually minding his or her own business too when a stranger approaches and asks, "So, you're the new kid?" or "Hey, I've seen you around town." or maybe points out the bitch to avoid, or offers advice on how to deal with the asshole after bearing witness to an unpleasant encounter.

In no way am I an expert on friend-making, but I do know that for most people their first friends are friends by proximity - meaning they didn't actively try to make friends, they just happened to become friends because they sat beside each other in class, or their moms put them in the same play group, or they lived on the same neighbourhood block. There was no conscious effort. You just went out and did your thing and became friends without realizing it.

As interests developed, the friendships either grew apart or became stronger. I think that's why our oldest, childhood friendships are our best ones. They came about so organically we can't even pinpoint when or how it happened.

As we become adults, we make friends by proximity at work, in our neighbourhood, and maybe even at our favourite coffee shop or bar. This is harder to do compared to when we were young because now we feel age gaps, our interests have evolved, and we're naturally more cynical and suspicious of others.

Then there's friends by interest group. You make friends with people on your sports team, or in your art class, or your chess club. You joined these groups because A) you liked what it was about and wanted to participate for your own personal interest, and B) you wanted to meet others with similar interests to yours.

These are the only two ways to make friends in my opinion. If you go about it any other way, you're setting yourself up for ridicule or to be arrested. (ie: I see you're buying oranges. I love oranges! Come over to play tomorrow night and we can have some fresh squeezed orange juice together!) A stranger who tells you his name is still strange. That's why it's so weird when a stranger takes the protagonist under his or her wing and starts sharing information about the place, the people, making introductions, going on a tour around the premises. Nobody does that in real life! Ever!

Or maybe they do. I've never experienced such a thing.

Getting a Degree

I am all talk and no action for the most part. I always say, oh I want to do it, I'd like to try that, I'm interested in this... I rarely follow through, and when I do, it takes for-freaking-ever!

For a year at least I've been thinking about going back to school. The problem was that I didn't know which school and I didn't know what I wanted to take. It's so hard to go back to school after you've already graduated and found a job.

My higher education dreams just got a little more serious this afternoon. I spoke with an Academic Adviser from the U of M over the phone to see what I needed to do to get a Bachelor of Social Work. Turns out I've got a lot of options regarding my timetable and what courses I can take. To get into the faculty I must retain at least a B+ average during U1 because it is very competitive.

Money is still the biggest concern. I can start in January if I'm ready, but I don't know if I am financially. I don't know if I qualify for student loans, but I will certainly try. I'm also going to apply for any and all scholarships and bursaries. The problem is I have to enroll first before I do any of that.

Let's say I enroll and I don't qualify for student loans and I don't win a scholarship. The back-up plan is going to have to be I pay for it myself, which I cannot do. What happens then? I drop out before I can even take one class?

It's safe to say I won't be going to school in January 2012. Maybe in the second half of the year I'll go. I just have so much debt right now, I don't know how long it will take me to dig my way out of it. This is for real though! I am going back to school!

Bath Tea

For the past couple years I've been adding different stuff to my bath water to see what kind of effects it would have on me. I've added honey, Epsom salts, powdered milk, brown sugar soaked in olive oil, lemon, and most recently, tea bags.

I started adding tea bags to my bath after finding some fruity flavoured tea in my cupboard that I didn't like the taste of. I knew I'd never drink it, but it was still good tea, so I threw some bags in the bath to see what would happen. The water turned a pinkish red colour and smelled delicious! There were probably no health benefits for my skin, but the aromatherapy was good enough.

I used the ol' Google machine today to look up which teas were good for your skin in a bath. I wasn't surprised that green tea and chamomile tea were the best, but I found something else very interesting: bath teas! You can buy specially formulated bath teas, infused with great things for your skin. It's larger than a normal tea bag obviously, and it's filled with all kinds of herbal twigs and leaves and essential oils.

They're also really easy to make! You take a 5X5 cheese cloth and fill it with whatever you want essentially. Some popular choices include tea leaves, salts, essential oils, flower petals, quick oats, and dried fruit and rinds. I've started formulating some recipes to try out.

One other thing I'd like to try is Bath Cookies. They look like cookies, you bake them, but they're made of sea salt, corn starch and baking powder, plus essential oils. They help soothe irritated skin.

I know not everyone likes baths, in fact most people are disturbed at the thought of having one, but trust me, you're missing out on something wonderful! Go run some hot water right now and throw 5 or 6 tea bags of whatever kind of tea you have in the house. Set the laptop up on your toilet and get iTunes playing.

Soak.

Close your eyes. Pretend you are an English scone, relaxing in a large cup of tea. Nobody is going to drink you. You are safe and happy. After 5 songs have played, you may exit the bath, but you should really wait until 7 or 8 songs have played.

Fat Head

If you have Netflix, I strongly suggest you watch the movie "Fat Head" in the documentary section. Or, you know, pirate it, rent it, whatever. To watch some trailers and read about it instead, Click Here.

Last night the boyfriend and I watched it. Tom Naughton wrote, directed, and starred in this film. Apparently he used to be a health writer and is now a comedian, but he's nowhere near as funny as Michael Moore. It's a response to Morgan Spurlock's Super Size Me.

This doc came out in 2009, but it must have been really low budget because the graphics weren't great and the video quality in half the interviews were grainy. He even mentions during a late night McDonald's run that they had to park where there was light because he didn't have fancy night gear hahaha.

That being said, the information was all there and highly fascinating. He successfully proved that he can eat fast food for a month and lose weight and lower his cholesterol. He also ate less than 2500 calories a day, sometimes as few as 1900 calories. His secret trick to making it all work, was to limit his carbohydrates. He hate burgers every single day pretty much, (sometimes he ate at other fast food restaurants and ate fried chicken,) except he didn't drink soda and he never ordered fries.

There was a lot of stuff covered in this documentary; too much to cover in this modest blog. Some keys points that Naughton felt strongly about that I'll share here are:

• Low fat diets are high-carb diets and that can cause depression and type II diabetes.
• Inflammation causes heart disease, not saturated fat.
• Heart disease could be avoided if you stopped eating processed vegetable oils, sugar, and starches.
• The obesity epidemic is a totally false claim.

I suggest reading his No-Bologna Facts to get a better idea of what I'm talking about.

This movie really got me thinking about my health and diet. I hardly ever eat meat. I guess I'm just too lazy to prepare it. I also suffer from a Bipolar disorder. Steak and bacon make me feel good when I eat it. I'm going to start eating more meat and see if it alters my mood.

Back in the day when I had a trainer, he told me to cut carbs and starches from my diet completely, if I could, and try to stick to meat, and vegetables only. I thought this was the stupidest thing and I didn't listen to him, about after watching Fat Head, I kind of see where he was coming from.

Like my mother always says, everything in moderation. However, if I lower my wheat intake and up my meat intake, perhaps I'll be surprised at the changes that occur in my body and my mood. I'll tell you how it goes!

The Struggle

I think I'm depressed. My last day at CBC was September 5th and I started my nanny job on the 6th. I quit that job on the 15th and I had an interview for different nanny job on the 18th.

The odds that I'll get the job are quite high considering the employer is good friends with two people I work with at CBC. He called them and they gave me rave reviews! The only problem is the pay is low and I won't be working a full 40 hours a week. My net income at the end of the month won't even cover the cost of my fixed expenses. I'll have to get a second job to make up the difference.

The whole point of leaving CBC was so that I could work one job and that one job would pay all my bills and I wouldn't have to fuck around with all these conflicting schedules. I feel really defeated. Maybe I shouldn't even take this job if it's offered to me?

I could try to get my job back at banquets. The hours there were terrible, but I live closer to the hotel now and I actually enjoyed banquets. Having weekends off is a luxury when you're in debt I suppose. I really don't want to give up my evenings either. Working 16 hour days plus travel time is going to kill me, but what choice do I have? Plus I want to go back to school? This is all impossible! I can't even afford my current rent!

I don't know what I'm going to do. I should have done the math before applying for this new nanny job. I should have applied at some other places before quitting my other nanny job so abruptly. I should have had a back up plan. If it wasn't for Bob my head would be so far underwater right now.

Bob keeps trying to win the lottery. Sometimes I feel like maybe that's our only way out. My head hurts and there's so much debt to plow through. I'm an idiot for not having a better plan in place. I don't want to wake up one day, 30 years old, working 3 jobs just to break even and never seeing my friends ever again or going out and doing anything.

The CBC really gave me a false hope about my future, but ultimately the blame is on me. I am trying to do something about my future. I am trying to be bold and to go after what I want. I know I have to work hard and not get lazy and overwhelmed, but every once in a while the truth catches up to me and I feel like I'll never dig my way out in time.

Nanny Day One

I have landed a job as a nanny, (hopefully of the super variety,) and I couldn't be happier! Today was my first day and I watched over 3 year old twins, a boy and a girl named Max and Ava. There's also a 13 month old baby girl named Ella.

Today was difficult in the sense that it was my first day and I had to be shown the ropes of the house. I start at 8 in the morning and as soon as I get in I have to wake the kids up and get them ready for their day. There isn't a firm routine in place, but I was given rough estimates of when to prepare snacks and lunch and when to put Ella down for her naps. Everything else in between is play time and chores.

I've never had to look after twins before. It was harder than I thought! They didn't take simple directions well and Max's attention span was 5 seconds long if I caught him in a good moment. He acted out for attention several times throughout the day. I'll definitely be more prepared for his antics tomorrow!

Something that struck me as being most adorable was how Ava carried her baby dolly in her arms ALL DAY! She wouldn't even put her down to use the toilet! When I asked her if she wanted me to hold on to baby dolly for her, she told me "No, no, she's just cuddling is all."

Ava's a little mommy. When I would scold Max, she would repeat everything I said to him again.

Tomorrow's a new day and I look forward to spending time with the kids again. Hopefully we can have a better time playing and start making a real connection. Today felt like such a struggle to get through to them and it seemed like everything I said went right over there heads. I'm going to keep trying though. It's too early to give up just yet.

Won't You Be My Neighbour?

Yesterday I signed the lease with The Boyfriend and while he went off to work, I started moving some of my things over in my Smart car. I only made three trips because it was a grueling process, but I got a lot done.

There's only one elevator and that's how I met some of my new neighbours. The first man I met had a little Pomeranian dog. I don't know what floor he lives on, but we ran into each other twice at the elevator. We didn't talk but he held the door open for me. I saw a few young people, high school age, in my building. One of them held the door open for me too.

The next person I met I had actually met earlier. While signing the lease, a cute little blond girl, maybe aged 7-9 came into the office looking for "poop bags" while she took her Chihuahua for a walk. When I saw her the second time, she was helping her mom carry some stuff in. She saw my Smart car and asked me about it. "Is that a two person punch buggy?"

We piled into the elevator and the mother was not interested in talking to me. She asked me if I was just moving in, but her question wasn't sincere. She didn't even look at me when she asked it because she was on her phone. Maybe she just has bitch-face syndrome, but I didn't get a friendly vibe from her at all.

Turns out she lives right beside me! I'm in 409 and she's in 411. I said, oh we're neighbours, as we approached our doors and she completely ignored me and didn't acknowledge me at all. Maybe she didn't hear. She looked kind of stressed out now that I think about it.

Her young daughter, Calista, is adorable and a chatterbox. I ran into her a third time and she noticed where I lived. She said, "Oh it's you that lives there now!" She was talking her doggy out for another walk. I was going back to my car to get more shit. She asked me if I had checked my mail yet today and I told her I had. What a sweetheart!

Finally, I met the people who live on the other side of me, in 407. It was two women, one in her thirties with terrible eyeliner and the other was much older. Perhaps one was visiting the other, I don't know. They talked to each other quietly in the elevator and that was that.

I'm excited to meet the neighbours in 412, if anyone even occupies that suite. I am definitely going to love living in this new apartment! Housewarming details to follow!

Cravings

The past week I've been craving various foods. The cravings are intense, but short-lived. What I mean is, after 10 minutes I'll get an alternate craving from catching a whiff of another pleasurable smell and it will just keep switching up until I finally eat something.

Today I was driving home from Rogers Video and I was really thirsty. I got it into my head that I needed watermelon. I was looking for my turn off to get to Superstore, when I passed a Tim Horton's and decided that I wanted watermelon dipped in chocolate.

Inside the Superstore, they didn't have pre-cut fruit and vegetables like they do at the other Superstore I shop at. I wasn't prepared to chop up a big-ass watermelon. That's okay though because all I could smell were strawberries. I grabbed a large  package and then saw blueberries and grabbed a large package of those. I wanted strawberries and chocolate and blueberries with whipped cream. I couldn't find the whip cream in a can, so I settled for vanilla yogurt. Then I hunted down the chocolate syrup for my strawberries.

My mouth was watering for all this fruit and sugary goodness!

Last night I was craving chocolate ice cream. For some reason I bought Reece Peanut Butter ice cream. It wasn't chocolaty enough and I was disappointed.

Earlier in the week I was craving broccoli and cheese casserole or soup. Bob had dinner in the oven and all the grocery stores were closed and neither of us had broccoli. He abandoned his dinner he was making for us and took me to Moxie's to get broccoli cheddar soup. That's a sign of a perfect boyfriend in my opinion!

I've also been craving chocolate milk, cherry licorice, and Chinese food like egg rolls.

My mouth is starting to water again. I just want to eat food; LOTS OF FOOD!!!

Tipping

Tipping is one of those things that our society does fairly mindlessly. We've been told we're expected to tip and so we do what we're told. People even tip after receiving poor service! That is ludicrous to me. Wait-staff say they work for tips and expect tips from every customer. They are upset if they don't receive any tips because they think they deserve to get them.

Has anyone ever stopped to think that some of these people don't deserve tips?

Commonly tipped people are waiters and waitresses, bartenders, hair dressers, massage therapists, and hotel maids.

What is a tip? It's a gift of money that you give to a person who has given you extraordinary service.

All those people I listed who usually get tipped also get a regular paycheck. They're doing their job and getting paid for that job. You don't actually have to tip them. If it was mandated you tip them, they should have added a gratuity to the bill. However, you should tip them if you receive exemplary service from them. If they went above and beyond to satisfy you, for example.

I only tip my hairdresser if she made me feel beautiful and gave me the perfect hair cut. I only tip my massage therapist if she gave me a really excellent massage and made me feel comfortable. I only tip the hotel maid if I'm staying for longer than a weekend and she left me extra towels.

I have my own system in place for tipping at restaurants. Having worked in a couple of different customer service jobs has made me quite critical of the service I receive. The first is that I never tip upfront. If I have to pay for my meal before receiving it, how can I tip based on service I haven't received yet?

The second is I never tip if I receive bad service. Tip deal breakers include not bringing out the correct order, not bringing out special orders in a timely fashion, ie another drink, more dressing ect, and not bringing the bill in a timely fashion. If the joint is hopping, I understand it may take a long time to serve all the tables, but if there's no one in the restaurant, there's no excuse. Customers are priority number one at every single customer service oriented establishment. I know this because I've been there.

If the waiter or waitress does pretty much everything right and everything goes as smoothly as it could possibly go, that person gets a 10% or 12% tip depending on my mood.

If the waiter or waitress does everything perfect plus has an awesome personality and is extremely engaging and makes me smile, that is an easy 15%. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it's so nice to be served by someone who honestly is working so hard for his or her tips. That person deserves 15%! They're going above and beyond the job description. They're making sure the order is coming out correctly and all special requests are met. That's what makes dining out so enjoyable for me!

It really bugs me when people tip willy-nilly, especially if I don't think the person deserved such a high tip. Nobody is entitled to tips. It's a bonus, not an obligation. If you "work for tips" you just need to be more personable and that will probably make you more tips. (At least from me.)

Idiotic Online Ads

The Boyfriend and I are trying to find a place to move in together for September first. We've been using kijiji.ca to track down people who are trying to sublet their apartments and condos. Something that I've noticed is that most people have no idea how to write a proper ad.

Any ad should be attractive, have all important information, and in the case of the ads I'm looking at, have correct contact information and maybe even a picture as a bonus!

It looks like a fifth grader wrote most of these ads on kijiji.ca. I've read ads two sentences long. The spelling and grammar isn't up to par. Really important details are omitted like if utilities are extra, or included in the rent. Few people mention how many parking spots are included and if laundry is on-site.

People use terms like "good sized bedrooms."  What the fuck does that mean? What is "good sized" in relation to an actual unit of measurement? Another over-used term is "large." Everything is large and good sized. Just tell me the square footage of the suite!

Pictures aren't mandatory, but it is nice to see the suite before booking a viewing. However, few people post pictures that actually give a good representation of the unit. Some favourite shots of ad-posters is the picture of the staircase, The picture of the empty, white room, and the picture of the outside of the building

There's no need to post a shot of the outside of the building. I can use Google street-view to look at it if I wanted to. I'm not renting your sidewalk, I'm renting the suite. Post pictures of the suite. Don't post pictures of the staircase. It really means nothing to me. It's a fucking staircase. Empty white rooms don't show a thing. I can see two walls and that's it. I can't gauge how big the room is because there's nothing in it.

Then, at the bottom of some ads, it says no emails, calls only. What a dipshit move. An email address is required to post the ad ONLINE. I know you have one. If you wanted people to only call you, post your shitty ad in the newspaper. Emailing is easier, it's timely, and it keeps a record of everything discussed, so you can go back and read what was said. Plus when you've gone through 50 ads and are trying to make appointments to view them all, it can get confusing with all phone number and names and places and dates and times. Let me email you and then please email me back.

Emailing back. A lot of people don't email back. As a courtesy, you could email back and say, sorry the suite it taken or something. I've emailed a lot of people who don't email me back. Fine. Fuck you guys, I guess. I hope you never sublet your stupid apartment and I hope you're stuck in your lease until the end of time.

African Wedding

Last night there was a wedding at the hotel I work at. It was a fairly unique wedding because the couple met in Guyana even though they were African-Canadians and their families had mostly all moved to Canada. I was surprised with how normal the wedding set-up looked. When you walked in the room, it looked like a traditional North American wedding.

The room was beautiful; all white linens and the chairs had the most delicious, silky green ribbons tied on them. All SIX bridesmaids wore long matching green dresses with beautiful rhinestone detailing. Their bouquets were fake, but they looked stunning! They couldn't all fit at the head table!

The wedding guests' attire was a lot more "African" to me. A lot of the woman had fancy head pieces. They weren't necessarily hats, or turbans, but like, a fancy, stiff scarf, maybe. Their dresses were bold. Loud, bold print everywhere! And the men had bold suits as well; I saw a lot of stripes, plaid design, and colour. No boring black suits and ties for this family! I even saw one man wearing snakeskin boots. They were hot boots!

They gave speeches all throughout the dinner service, which isn't unusual, but the guests never sat nicely and quietly or clapped politely. They cheered and laughed and heckled whoever had the microphone. It was pretty funny to observe, but hard to communicate with my tables because it was so loud and nobody was really paying attention to their meal.

First course was minestrone soup and that was fine. Most people ate it. Second course was tossed salad with ranch dressing. Of my three tables of 8, the two white people ate their salad. The rest hardly touched theirs. In fact one woman handed her full plate to me and said, "Africans don't eat leaves." in a thick accent. It was soooooo funny!

After salad was served, the couple decided it was time to cut their wedding cake. I have no idea why they thought this would be a good time to do it, but it was hard for me clear my tables and get ready for dinner service when everybody's out of their chairs and trying to take pictures. The cake's cut, so now they have their first dance. Dinner still hasn't been served yet, and they're having their first dance.

It was really bizarre, but I guess they had time to kill between courses. The first dance was three songs long. I can't remember all the songs, but they were old. Not classic, good old, but just passe for a wedding. I think one of them was "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston. The bridal party grabbed their white, cloth napkins and formed a circle around them and started waving the napkin like a flag.

Then it turned into a dance party! All the guests grabbed their white, cloth napkins and formed this huge circle on the dance floor. The music wasn't slow anymore and everyone was dancing, (except the small handful of white guests.) Now this was looking African to me. They were doing a circle dance. Old people, young people, males, females, they were all on the dance floor, dancing, waving their napkin flag, while also moving in a circle. It was quite neat to watch.

Finally they settled down and were mostly back in their seats so we could serve dinner, (chicken Kiev, roasted potatoes, broccoli and carrots.) Again, nobody touched it. People barely ate two bites. The dance music was on during dinner and people just really wanted to dance. The bride and groom changed out of their Western wedding attire and into something more traditional. They had matching white outfits. It looked like crochet, but I know it wasn't. The bride had her beautiful, green headpiece on and the groom had a lovely brown headpiece on.

When it came time to serve dessert, nobody cared at all. It was a plate of fruit. I just put one down at every place setting and hoped they'd come back from the dance floor to eat it. When I came back from break I was pleased to see they did.

The DJ was playing a mix of new hip-hop, reggae, and Caribbean. The music was so good! I've served weddings that had really shitty music, so this was awesome. The guests all knew how to dance; it was quite entertaining. I never saw a single white person on the dance floor. There was about 10 of them there.

One girl at my table asked me if I wanted to dance and motioned come on, let's dance. I really wanted to, but I declined. Work first. I thought this party was going to go on until 1 in the morning. They packed up and left at 11:30pm!!! I got out of work a half hour early!

It was an open bar, but I didn't see any drunk people. In fact, they were all too busy dancing to drink it seemed. It comparison to other weddings, these guests didn't consume nearly as much hard liquor as I've seen in the past. They drank a lot of beer, but that was it.

I hope the bride and groom enjoyed their special day. It sure was a fun night for me to work!

Confiscating Sandwiches from Toddlers

I read an article today on the Daily Mail Online about a little boy in nursery school who had his cheese sandwich confiscated from him at nursery school because the staff considered it to be unhealthy and it wasn't on their list of approved healthy snacks. I think this is ridiculous!

If you read the article, you'll see that the boy had some vegetables and melon in his lunch box as well. Using the food pyramid as a guide, bread constitutes as a grain, cheese is dairy, and melon is fruit. What is so unhealthy about having that as a snack? Some parents don't even pack fruit or vegetables for their kids to eat!

If the boy had pulled out a chocolate covered croissant, I could see staff being able to confiscate that on the grounds that chocolate has too much refined sugar and croissants are made up mostly of lard. But a cheese sandwich? Seriously? Even a cheese sandwich made on white bread with Cheez-Whiz spread has more nutritional value than a chocolate bar or a bag of chips. (That's not fact, I'm just guessing.)

And since when are staff allowed to confiscate food from children at lunch time when the mother specifically packed it for her child to eat? Why do nursery schools get authority over the diets of children that don't belong to them when even the Canadian Food Pyramid is only just a guide after all?

The mother pulled her kid out right away and enrolled him somewhere else and that's the main thing. I would have done the exact same thing!

I understand that a lot of people who make babies don't know anything about how to be a proper parent. If it weren't for day-cares and nursery schools that provided healthy snacks, these little kids might never know what real fruit tastes like! The line has to be drawn somewhere though. If the parents sent their toddler off to nursery school with a lunch box filled with cookies and candies, yeah, by all means confiscate it! A cheese sandwich though... that's really pushing it. .

Vet Check-Up

Going to the vet is always an ordeal because I have three cats and only two hands. Packing them up in their carriers was easy as pie. Emilio and Crush didn't fight me like they usually do. They went in without being coaxed. Dale, however, howled.

Last time Dale was at the vet, he was having an operation due to swallowing a lengthy amount of ribbon. I suppose he has bad memories.

The poor things panted the whole car ride there. It was a 30 minute ride too!

Once inside, Dale refused to leave his carrier. That's fine, they did the check ups on Emilio and Crush first. They're both in perfect health, but Crush has too much tarter on his teeth. Crush was a little wiggly worm in the vet's hand, and wouldn't sit still for the doctor to examine him. Emilio was quite wiggly last time, but today he was perfect. He sat still. He did as he was told. He was a very good boy!

Dale hissed and refused to come out of the carrier, even after tipping him upside down. I finally got him out and he acted quite rude towards the doctor. It was kind of funny. The vet didn't take offense, and Dale was a good boy and stayed still and did what he was told. He didn't like it and he continued to hiss, but he listened.

At one point, Dale snuggled up as close as he could and hid his head in my shirt, trying to stay as far away as possible from the vet. Too cute!

When I set Dale back on the flood, Emilio went over and licked his face, even though Dale hissed at him. Emilio was being such a nice pal and it made me proud!


The vet warned me of the dangers of feeding an all natural diet. He gave me a 4lb bag of Hill's Prescription Diet t/d oral heath and told me to set some out for them to graze on between natural meals. It will help clean the tarter off their teeth and will also supply them with any trace vitamins and minerals they could be lacking in the natural diet.

When I read the ingredients on the bag, I knew I'd probably never open it. I'll donate it to a shelter or something. The first ingredients are Chicken By-Product Meal, Brewers Rice, Corn Gluten Meal, Whole Grain Corn, Powdered Cellulose, Pork Fat... I won't get into what each ingredient is, but I will tell you that there's barely any nutritional value in these ingredients, and that's why the ingredients list goes on for 6 more lines because they had to add the vitamins and minerals back in.

I looked up each ingredient. Mice probably wouldn't eat it.

The expensive, commercial pet food, the grazing, the terrible ingredients... It just goes against everything I'm trying to do with my natural diet. The tarter has to be addressed though and that's why I've decided to attempt to "brush" my cats' teeth. Once I buy what I need, I'll let you know how it goes.

Hot Hot Heat

No, this isn't a post about the band, it's about the actual temperature.

It's about 30 degrees Celsius in Winnipeg right now, give or take 3 degrees. My apartment isn't stuffy, but it smells terrible in here and trying my best to clean it up, but sweat is literally dripping off of my face. I can feel it on my neck, running down my back, and my arms and legs are glistening, especially in the knee-pit, elbow-pit areas.

I wash my dishes in the hottest water I can stand with gloves on. It's creating more heat in apartment. I have a single fan I borrowed from the boyfriend and it's creating a weak breeze in the kitchen.

I'm also trying to get laundry done at the same time. The laundry room is a sauna. I feel sick being in there. I feel sick in my apartment too.

The windows are all closed because the cats ripped all the screens and I don't want any more bugs in here. There's already one fly I spotted in the kitchen. Dale's excellent at killing flies, so I hope he gathers enough strength in this heat to catch it. There isn't much wind today, so opening windows wouldn't really help anyway.

The worst part is, it's not going to get any cooler the rest of the week. I hate the heat. I hate sunny days. I hate being outside in the sun. I hate sweating. I hate summer.

My perfect day is overcast, 16 degrees, with little to no wind. Please let autumn come soon because I can't take this heat!!!

Kitty Chow Fail

This fine Tuesday morning marked the 4th attempt trying to get the cats to eat my homemade cat food. Dale hasn't eaten a single bite since Sunday morning when he ate his kibble. He hasn't even licked the new food!

Emilio tried some more today and what little Crush ate, he threw up right after.

I'm trying different flavour combinations; I'm trying different textures. Nothing is working!

The rules are, by the fourth meal, mix half new food with half treat food, but not with half old food. I mixed my new food with half old food because I didn't have treat food, hoping Dale would at least try some. He tentatively sniffed it for a while, but wouldn't try to eat it. Sigh.

Emilio is the only one not grumbling all the time because he's the only one that eats anything substantial. Dale is starting to get extra whiney. I keep reminding myself that the cats aren't starving, they're fasting, and they're fasting by choice. When Dale gets hungry enough, he'll eat.

I had so much hope for this project, but it's really wearing me down and I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing. Crush puked for fuck sake! It was his first time puking in his life. Cats have such sensitive stomaches, but he'd been trying every new dish I put in front of him without adverse effects. I'm not sure what it was about this dish.

Dale's favourite treat food is canned wet food. Tonight I'll try mixing half of my homemade food with half the canned food and see if Dale will eat something. I can't turn back now. The cats will be so much healthier in the long run if I can stick to it and make it work. The world would be centuries behind if everyone always gave in to the easy way out, right?

The Natural Cat (food)

The Natural Cat - A Holistic Guide For Finicky Owners by Anitra Frazier with Norma Eckroate

I found this book at Value Village. Mine's copyrighted 1983 and isn't as new at the one in the link.

The book is a practical guide to understanding cat behaviours, training, feeding, grooming, medical things, and just pretty much everything to do about pet cats. I've never seen such a complete book before.

This isn't a review of the book though since I haven't even finished reading it. I want to talk about cat food. Commercial cat food is shit for your cat. It is the equivalent of feeding your child Kraft Dinner with hot dogs and Sunny D for every single meal. Yes, it will fill up your stomach and you'll get a few vitamins and minerals, but ultimately, you're causing serious health problems down the line. It takes years for the buildup to happen in humans and in cats too.

This information wasn't new to me when I read it. Two years ago I attempted to make my own cat food. I was searching for recipes online and finding them, but the ingredients were things I'd never heard of and I had no idea where to find them. The recipes were complicated and scientific and it was nightmare trying to put something together. When I finally did, the cats didn't eat it!

Turns out I'd been going about it all wrong! The Natural Cat (TNC) explained to me how to do it properly and cheaply.

TNC had a very easy recipe to follow:Mix 2 to 4 parts animal protein, depending on the age and tastes of the cat, with 1 part bean, tofu, or milk product, (provided the milk doesn't give the cat diarrhea.) with 2 parts whole grains and 1 part starchy vegetable. Add water to get the consistency your cat enjoys and you're done.

She made a list of acceptable ingredients to use. You can literally mix and match to make a seemingly limitless number of recipes. The first time you make a recipe, you should be using tablespoons per part so that you can find a recipe all your cats will like. From there, you can make larger batches to freeze for later.

I went out and bought the ingredients today. I spent less then $13 and I could potentially make enough cat food to last 2 weeks, probably 3 if I froze some of it.  A bag of cat food that would last the same time costs the same amount. For just less then $30, I can buy a very large bag of dry cat food and it will last me all month. For less then $20 I can buy all the ingredients and make the cat food myself and it will feed the cats for a month, be cheaper, and be healthier for them. I just have to get the recipe right.

There were a couple other dietary tips she had. The cats should get 1/4 of a teaspoons of oil 3 times a week. The oil should be a mixture of cod liver oil, olive oil, and wheat germ oil. I couldn't find wheat germ oil, so I just bought flax oil instead.

TNC also included a recipe for a vita-mineral mix to be added to the cat's food just before serving. I found all the ingredients at Bulk Barn and a health food store. I made a batch today and it will last me for months! I have ingredients leftover as well, so I'll maybe I'll put some in my baking or smoothies or something.

What if they don't eat it again?

Well, TNC has an answer for everything. If your cat fasts for 2 days, it will not die. Their bodies are designed to eat just once a day, sometimes once every couple days. My cats are spoiled and I leave food out for them around the clock. This isn't healthy and creates obese cats. (Even though mine aren't obese - I feed them according to the directions on the dry cat food bag.)

The new meal time rules are to feed my cats no more than twice per day, leaving the food out for no longer than an hour. After an hour, take the food away. Fresh water should obviously always be available. If the cats don't eat, that's not my problem. After a couple days they'll quickly learn to eat what they're served!

It's Only Logical

This morning I had my last session with Dr. Anderson. I'm quite sad to see him go; I really enjoyed our sessions. He had some final things to say to me before we parted ways for the last time.

He said that in the short time he'd known me, he could see that I am a problem solver and use logical thinking. I pinpoint what's going wrong with my job or my relationship and then I take the logical steps to solve the problem. He said that not everybody is able to do that and for example, many people never do anything to better their career options, and many people date the same type of person over and over again.

Tauruses are known to be problem solvers and logical thinkers, but I never would have described myself as a problem solver in the past. I started thinking of other times I might have used problem solving and logical thinking and realized that I definitely do have those skills! I use them at work, in my apartment, and in my relationships with others.

Dr. Anderson said he enjoyed getting to know me and wished me luck for the future. He hoped I could take all the positives from therapy away with me and minimize my focus on the negatives in my life because there's a lot of great things coming up for me soon.

Sigh. Whoever gets to work with him next is really lucky. I think he's a great psychiatrist!

There are two new residents coming in for 6 months now. I can't remember their names, but I've been told to call next week to set up an appointment. I'm pretty nervous about meeting someone new, but at the same time it's good to switch things up, because maybe this new psychiatrist will have a different outlook and can give me yet another perspective on things.

As far as meds go, I'm still taking the Lithium, except my 900mg dosage will be taken once a day at bedtime, instead of being splitting it up between 12 hours. It's too difficult trying to take my pills at the same time twice a day when I work such crazy late hours. I wasn't taking them properly and this new method should solve some problems.

Little House on the Prairie

My latest TV obsession is Little House on the Prairie. The boyfriend and I were discussing the show and he said that if our society got plunked into that environment, most people wouldn't make it through the winter. It's a less stressful lifestyle, but it also requires hard work - something a lot of people aren't used to doing. Even carpenters and farmers, two hard jobs that exist today that existed then, have changed. The fundamentals are the same, but we have more tools and machines available to make those jobs a lot easier.

If I could live in the 19th century American west there are a number of things I would enjoy. People had a much better sense of community. Everyone knew everyone personally and most people would lend a hand without having first been asked to help. People gave each other credit and the benefit of the doubt.

Money was never an issue. If you had no cash, but really needed something, you could trade goods and services for other goods and services. We don't have anything like that in our society today. Cooking your uncle dinner in exchange for having him fix your car only works for people who personally know each other. I could never bring my car to the dealership and try to barter and trade to get my car fixed. They want cash and that's final. Two strangers in the 19th century would absolutely do business that way though!

The things people in the 19th century did for fun are things that we still find fun today: Reading, playing music, dancing, picnics, various sports, and depending on where you're living, going to the beach or the theater. (Sadly I'd have to wait until the 20th century for my beloved board games to be invented.) 

I would miss electricity. I would miss running water. I would miss cleanliness. Our society is hyper-clean. I think that would be one of the hardest things for me to deal with. 19th century people didn't bathe regularly. They splashed some cool water on their face and neck and considered themselves "washed up."

Everyone would be walking around stinking of b.o. and have the worst breath. I can't imagine crawling into a double bed with my husband at night and trying to sleep knowing he worked all day in the hot sun and didn't shower. It would probably smell so bad. Then he'd try to kiss me and he'd taste like salty meat and biscuit.
Gross.

I'm a Coward

I used to think my life lacked meaning and purpose. For a brief period of time afterward, I felt hopeful. I thought I was doing something good with my life. I realize now that everything I do is an exercise in futility and there are no adventures left for me in this lifetime. I realize that there really is no point. I feel so stupid for believing there was one. My contributions on this planet are actually negative and I'm wasting resources that a much more deserving person could use.

"No one knows where we go when we're dead or when we're dreaming."
- Chad VanGaalen

Babies in Bikinis

I read a short blog about a woman's displeasure seeing babies and young girls wearing bikini bathing suits. In her opinion, bikini tops are meant to accentuate the breasts, but because toddlers and tweens don't have breasts it just looks unchaste and wrong.

I have read about others' opinions on the matter, stating that babies and toddlers in a bikini look cute, but teeny-boppers in a bikini look overly sexualized and shouldn't be allowed to wear them until they're older, ie an adult, especially since pedophiles hang out in public places and might get the wrong idea by looking at an elementary school aged child in a bikini.

There are pictures of me as a toddler in a bikini. There are pictures of me wearing a one-piece cut-out bathing suit as a young child. There are pictures of me wearing bikinis at various stages in my life. My mother allowed me to wear every single one. Honestly, I can really only remember owning 1 full piece swimsuit that covered my stomach in my entire life and I was 14 when I wore it. (I thought it made me look athletic.)

Nobody tried to molest me growing up. If someone had intended on molesting me, I'm fairly certain they would have done it regardless of what kind of bathing suit I was wearing. Regardless of anything I was wearing for that matter! Mothers needs to chill the fuck out and realize that nobody's getting raped at the beach because of the type of swim attire they're wearing


Plus, what does it matter if the stomach is showing or not? While wearing a one-piece that covers everything, it's still skin tight and leaves nothing to the imagination! Once it's wet it sticks to your skin and it's uncomfortable. It's hard to go to the bathroom in. If you're trying to change in front of others it's really hard to dry off and get dressed when you're struggling with a one-piece.

Others have said they would never dress their daughter in a bikini, but would choose a tankini instead because it covers the stomach, yet it still possesses the accessibility the bikini has. A two piece is still a two piece. I think that telling your young daughter to dress modestly at the beach and cover up, cover up, cover up sends the message pretty early on that woman should be ashamed of their bodies. It's unfortunate that mothers do that do that to their daughters.

There's a time and place for clothes of all occasions. A female dressing for the beach needs to the make sure the vagina and anus are covered for sanitary reasons and that's about it. Oh, and of course the nipples too because if you aren't at a topless beach, Molester Mom will blow her stranger danger whistle at you and make you cover up, cover up, cover up!

Lithium Update

I've been on Lithium for a month now. My dosage is up to 900mg a day. I'm experiencing new side effects that weren't there when I was only taking 600mg a day.

The biggest one is that I am thirsty like no tomorrow. I can't stop drinking water. The lithium combined with summertime just makes me 3 or 4 times more thirsty than anybody else. At my banquets job I'm sweating a lot too from moving racks of glassware, pushing heavy carts, moving furniture ect...

Being thirsty ties into my next side effect. I'm craving sugar. I never crave sugar! I get so thirsty, all I want is a delicious freezing cold Popsicle! I'm drinking all this fruit juice and I hardly ever drink juice. The juice I buy is also very expensive and prior to taking Lithium, I'd only have one glass a day, usually in the morning. I refuse to drink glucous-fructous water. At work though, I have access to free juice and pop to drink whenever I want!

I used to crave salty snacks, like my favourite, tortilla chips. I don't don't want chips anymore. I want Super Nibs cherry flavoured licorice! I could eat a whole bag and that's very unlike me. I bought two boxes of Oreo cookies when I went shopping. Normally I don't even go down the cookie aisle! I never crave cookies! I'm craving cakes and sweets and it really is bizarre. Lithium usually reduces the sugar cravings and induces salt cravings to help retain water.

You'd think with all this sugar I'm eating, I'd be hopped up all the time. It's quite the opposite in fact. I'm so lethargic and sleepy. An hour after I wake up I usually go take a nap. I take multiple naps during the day if I can. More often than not, the cats wake me up so I can feed them and then I go back to bed immediately. I could sleep all day and never be rested enough.

I'm too tired to cook. I'm too tired to exercise. I'm too tired to even sit up properly and work on my laptop. I spend a lot of my time watching TV and snacking. This is the reason why people on Lithium gain weight - the side effects! So far there hasn't been any significant weight gains, but I bet if I keep up this lifestyle there will be!

It's not a feeling of being too lazy either. I genuinely feel exhausted and thirsty like I've run a full marathon even though all I have done is get dressed. Even though I've added all this sugar to my diet, I'm still eating proper balanced meals. The sugar is probably partly to blame for me feeling like shit since I don't normally eat those kinds of foods, but I think the real issue is the Lithium.

I see my psychiatrist on June 30th and I'll have to discuss all this with him then.

Summer Sickness

Every summer, without fail, I get sicker than a dog. Warm weather makes me feel like shit! It's been happening every year for years. I actually feel worse in the summer than I do in the winter. I've had this cold now for 4 weeks already. It's the same cold. Fresh produce is cheap, so I eat plenty of that, plus I take my vitamins. All I ever drink is water, so I'm always hydrated. I don't know how to overcome these crazy summer colds!

Being outside isn't something I'm a fan of. Perhaps you've noticed how pale I am? I don't like all the bugs. I hate sweating, yet I constantly am and can't stop. The city always smells like rotting garbage and exhaust. For me, summer equals big headaches, no fun, and fatigue. Spending even an hour outside means that I'll have to come in for a nap because I'll be totally wiped out! I've never lived in a place with air conditioning, so I know it's not that making me sick!

My perfect day is a nice, cool, crisp autumn day. I can walk around outside and feel comfortable in my jeans and light fall jacket. I love crunching leaves! There's hardly any bugs at all! I never feel like I'm going to die of heat exhaustion. I feel really energetic and actually want to be outside!

If I could live in Automnville for the rest of my life, I would. I hate summer and want it to be over as soon as possible!

Things You Shouldn't Buy At The Dollar Store

Dollarama in particular has some pretty mega sized stores. (20 + aisles?!)You can get everything from arts and crafts materials, office supplies, party stuff, food, kitchen things, cleaning supplies, pet needs, baby needs, toys, beauty products, plus gardening and home decorating things!!! Everything is under $5.00 all the time! Who wouldn't want to shop there?

Then you get into all those other dollar stores, which are smaller, but literally everything is under $2.00! Great deals are to be had at the local dollar store... or are they?

I strongly believe that some things should not be bought at the dollar store. I'm drawing from personal experience when I say to never buy liquid correction fluid or "White Out" from the dollar store. It's terrible! It doesn't cover the inked area, even after applying 3 coats! I don't care if it was only a dollar, I really wish I would have gone down the block and got some proper name brand White Out, which I feel works way better!

Another thing you should never buy from the dollar store is anything glass or anything stainless steel in appearance. I bought a couple of vases and could not get the obvious green $1 sticker off of them! Even if you can manage to most of the sticker off, there's still the residue that fuzzies stick to. Plus the vases look cheap anyway! They seriously couldn't have put the sticker on the bottom?

I also bought a stainless steel looking paper towel holder. Couldn't get the sticker off that thing to save my life. When the paper towel is new is covers the spot at least. As for the stainless steel looking utensil holder on my counter, well, I just have the sticker part facing the wall so you can't tell. It looks good!

Rubber gloves are another one I learned the hard way about. They were a dollar a pair and I thought I couldn't go wrong. I bought 5 pairs! In a week they were all in the garbage because they somehow were punctured within a few minutes of using them. I never wash dishes with my bare hands! I could feel the hot water seeping in, burning my hands. What a waste of money! A pair of rubber gloves from Safeway costs nearly triple the price, but they also last 4 times as long making it a way better deal!

There's probably more, but these are from my personal experience. Anyone else got some products they'd never again buy at a dollar store?

Power of Positive Thinking

As I write this blog I am reminded of Golden Girls, Season 5, Episode 14, titled "Great Expectations." It's the one where Rose starts touting the Power of Positive Thinking and brings her friends along to a seminar. Great episode!

" You're Special! "

Today I tried really hard to put my powers of positive thinking to work for me. I was on the phone and dealing with a very rude person. Instead of telling this person to rot in hell like I really wanted to, I stayed calm and reminded myself that this idiot on the phone was a real person with feelings and issues of her own and I shouldn't judge her. I should accept her for who she is and just move passed it because I can't do anything about it.

I was still all worked up in a frenzy, but not as bad. I saw my psychiatrist about an hour later and relayed to him what all had happened. It was a nice bitch-fest and I needed it! He listened and asked thoughtful, probing questions. At the end he congratulated me on being able to find a way to work with her, even though she's quite abrasive. I don't have to enjoy her company, but I do have to see the project through to its end because that is important to me.

He said some other people may have given up and decided to hell with her and just quit, but not me. He said I've accepted her for who she is and have gone with a "that's just how she is" approach and that's good because I know I can't change people.

I find my sessions with my psychiatrist to be very therapeutic and he offers me a lot of support and encouragement. I think that I am growing and improving; a Chelsea 3.0 if you will. (Changing my name last year was Chelsea 2.0 in case anyone was wondering.) I feel like I'm learning a lot of positive stuff about myself that I wasn't aware of.

In the past I would have felt badly about the conversation that ensued, most likely even cried over it. Depending on how much anxiety I was feeling at the time, I probably wouldn't have even made the unpleasant phone call to begin with! That's a really big step for me! I feel I am mentally and emotionally stable. I can really see the difference in myself when I have to deal with someone who isn't stable at all.

Also in the past, I would have let this terrible phone call be the center of my day, spreading the evil to other areas of my day and ruining everything! Not today! A lot of positive things happened to me today; for example, I had a wonderful interview at Macdonald Youth Services and will start my volunteer work there in August! I'm quite excited for that to begin!

Perky, smiley people still make me want to punch myself in the face, but focusing on the good and emphasizing the great things, no matter how insignificant they seem in comparison to the shit-show all around you, is the key to liberation.

I Swore A Bunch In This Post

I am in no proper state of mind to be blogging, but this is like a living journal of sorts so I don't give a fuck. I just want to express myself. Right now in this moment I feel fucking retarded.

Today for example, I was on my break and texting on my phone. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking, but when I was done texting, I put my phone inside my water glass that had water in it. I didn't even realize I had done it. I got up to rinse my dishes and my coworker saw and pointed out to me what I had done. I was like, seriously, wtf, I do not remember doing that! Why would I even do that???

I'm also really clumsy, especially at work. I'm constantly dropping things, breaking dishes, tripping over myself, and forgetting what I've been told to do. My memory is slipping. At home, it's no different. I break glasses, spill, fumble my keys, drop my purse. It's never ending!

I feel like a fucking spaz. Tonight after work I went to my boyfriend's house and went to get some ibuprofen. I somehow managed to drop the bottle and spill its contents everywhere on the floor! I cried. I couldn't handle it anymore! The boyfriend cleaned it all up because he's such a sweetheart.

Sleep could be a contributing factor. I'm having a very hard time getting to sleep this week. Yesterday it was well after 4am before I finally fell asleep. Perhaps I need to invest in my favourite sleeping pill again. I've also been sick for over a week. My nose is all stuffed up, but other than that I feel healthy.

It's not unusual for me to feel dizzy or lightheaded, but that's been happening a lot more lately. I'm always bumping into stuff. I see my psychiatrist in 7 hours. I guess I'll bring it up then with him. Maybe it's the lithium.

Life Goals

Sometimes I feel like I made a mistake not going to university. College was incredible and I loved it! I loved my course and my new friends! Somehow, I'm no further along in life though. I work two casual jobs. Every month's a struggle. Had I gone to university right away, perhaps I'd be starting a new career right about now.

To go back to school would mean I would be broke for the next four to five years. Life would be put on hold until I'm almost 30! I wouldn't buy my first house until I was probably closer to 40! Now try to fit marriage and child rearing in that schedule and it's impossible!

Everyone around me appears to be pulling ahead. My friend is married and just starting her career. My other friend has a solid career and just bought a house. My other friend just had a baby. Other friends are either already married with a baby, or have a career and a baby. I want that so bad my body physically yearns for all four; career, house, marriage, baby. I feel like I can never have all four. I feel like if I have one I jeopardize my chances of having the other three since everything takes time and money.

It's almost frustrating and a little depressing. I spend a considerable amount of time thinking about shit like this. What do I want more? I toss and turn, weighing the pros and cons of every scenario. It's exhausting! Still, I'm no further along. I can't make up my mind. I can't make a decision. I can't move forward with my life.

Child Abuse

Child abuse is obviously something that's frowned upon in most societies around the world. There are so many ways that an adult can abuse a child, but is an obese child suffering from abuse? It's such a grey area and I'm having a hard time trying to make up my mind about it.

This morning as I parked my car and headed into work, I saw the cutest little girl walking with her mom. When I say little, I think I actually mean young. She looked about 4 or 5 years old and was shaped like a beach ball. It made me sad. How did this sweet looking girl get so fat so young? When I looked over at her mom I found my answer. Her mother was shaped like an elephant!

Somewhere along the way our society has forgotten how to take care of ourselves. Do I eat three square meals a day? Absolutely not! Do I do a variety of exercises on a regular basis? Honestly, not really. I have a healthy BMI though and I'm a damn good cook when I wanna be! As much as I struggle with preparing healthy meals and working out properly, I know there's many more people out there who don't know how to cook and don't know how to exerice and were probably never taught how to do either in their life.

Everything starts at home. A fat five year old doesn't stand a chance. Feeding your kid junk and not promoting exercise in the home is setting the child up for failure, but is it child abuse? There are a lot of variables in this situation, but I think that if a child is born healthy with no medical problems and rapidly gains weight to the point of morbid obesity due to poor diet and exercise, then yes, that is child abuse! Mom's and Dad's are in control of the grocery shopping and the meal preperation.

The job of the parents is to teach their children everything they'll need to know to be successful and healthy adults. Schools and teachers and coaches help out a great deal with this, but ultimately, it's the responsibility of the parents to make sure their kids are well informed about the practicalities of life by going above and beyond what isn't taught in full at school.

Life is never that easy though. When you have a child that is being abused sexually or physically, it's almost always in the best interest of the child to remove the child from the home to be placed in foster care or with relatives. Removing a morbidly obese child from the home would do way more damage than good though.

A better solution would be for the child to stay with the parents, but for mom and dad to complete some sort of mandatory course that teaches them all about proper diet and exercise. If they fail to do that, perhaps a hefty fine can be given to encourage completion. I'm not sure how such a program could be implemented properly so it would be the most effictive. Like I said, there's way to many variables. Taking custody away from the parents though is really a tough call and I don't fully agree with it. If it has to happen though, it should be done as an absolute last resort only!

For further reading on real custody cases involving morbidly obese children -
The Thin Line Between Poor Nutrition and Child Abuse
Should Parents of Obese Kids Lose Custody

Lithium

Today was my second appointment with my psychiatrist. He prescribed me Lithium. I'm taking 300mg twice daily. I was diagnosed on paper as having Bipolar Disorder NOS (Not Otherwise Specified). It's a catchall category diagnosed when the disorder doesn't fall within a specific subtype, ie: Bipolar I or Bipolar II.

Obviously I'm afraid of the side effects. The big ones include increased thirst, which then causes increased urination, tremors, nausea, and weight gain due to increased appetite. Of course it doesn't stop there; there's a lengthy list of possible other side effects, some of them quite alarming. For example: involuntary urination or bowel movements, blackout spells, coma, and my favourite, sexual dysfunction.

To minimize the risk of harmful side effects, I need to eat a balanced diet that includes some salt and as much liquid as possible. This really important, especially if I've been sweating heavily or have had diarrhea. Loss of water and salt from the body can lead to lithium poisoning apparently. I should also avoid drinking large amounts of coffee, tea, or cola because it can cause dehydration through increased urination. I don't drink those, so that's fine.

What's not fine though is that indicators of lithium poisoning - which include unsteady walking, diarrhea, vomiting, drowsiness, tremor, and weakness - are the same symptoms that can occur when you don't have lithium poisoning. How the hell will I know the difference? Overdosing causes serious damage to your brain and kidneys and liver too.

Ugh, I hate taking drugs. I feel sick about it! I definitely need to try it out, at least for a year. I don't have to take this for the rest of my life if I don't want to, but if all goes well with my blood tests, this can be a long term treatment option.

For the rest of my time with the doctor, we just did some talk therapy. The therapy is probably more beneficial now than the drugs since it's summer and I have most of my "episodes" in the colder months. We talked about my self-esteem, how it's significantly lower now than it was in high school. We talked about old boyfriends. I honestly hadn't realized how much I'd been suppressing until the doctor made me talk about it. There's so much shit I haven't thought about in years, but why would I have? Nobody likes recounting the bad memories, just the good. I cried in front of him, but it wasn't weird.

I see him again on Thursday. I will also get my blood tested that day to make sure I'm not poisoning myself with lithium.

Somewhere along the way I really lost myself. I think the main thing is that I really need to trust in my abilities and forget the hurtful things that have been said to me in the past. My past is a part of me that I can't change, but I don't have to let it define me. I've been called dumb, slutty, ugly, and weird by people who don't like me, but also by people whom I call friends. It doesn't matter if it was said in anger, or meant as a joke. It still really hurts. It hurts a lot and I do take it to heart. Hopefully not anymore though.

True Crime

I got home from work at about 2 this morning. I went into my apartment and started dicking around on my computer and such. Suddenly I heard some loud banging in the suite above me. The walls are so thin in this building it's not unusual to hear the people above me or beside me, but then I thought I heard crying.

I stopped what I was doing and looked up at the ceiling and listened for more. I definitely heard a female crying and there was some more banging. I put my shoes and on and went upstairs so I could eavesdrop from the hallway.

When I opened the door from the staircase leading into the third floor apartment I froze. I didn't even go into the hallway, I just stood with the door open. I heard a man yelling loudly and clearly and I heard a woman crying and responding to the man in a quieter tone. They weren't speaking in English, so I don't know what the dispute was about. Then it sounded like the man lunged at her and chased her.

I say this because I could tell by the sound it made. When I used to chase my sister around the table back in Ste Anne, there would be a loud bang on the floor when I took the first leap towards her, followed by a couple of smaller bangs. I heard the woman shriek in response.

I didn't want to disturb them, but I did go back to my apartment and call the police. I was quite frightened listening to her crying and being yelled at by that man. I dialed the non-emergency number and the woman took note of what I told her and all of my details. She said police were already on there way.

I hung up and police were there in less than 5 minutes! It got really quiet upstairs and I waited by the window to watch for when the police left. They left shortly after and that was that. It stayed quiet upstairs.

Obviously it's good that it turned out to be nothing because if it had been something more serious and I hadn't called the police, I would feel very guilty for not doing so.

Oooh but if it had been a murder up there, how exciting!! I'm fucking sick, I know, but I love all my true crime books and true crime tv shows; being a part of a murder investigation would be the time of my life! I secretly hope to be a key witness in a murder case one day. That would really be amazing!