I made a new friend from Iran, and he told me that it is customary to donate to charity if you receive good news. The better the news, the more you donate. Today I'm wondering if there are any customs for if you receive horrible news.
My X-ray showed that my collar bone is not healed. There is a gap a couple centimeters wide that could never fuse together because it's so far away. I now need to have surgery to pin it and correct the problem. These past 6 weeks have been a total waste and I now have to start this process all over again from scratch.
Devastated doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I feel like I'm letting everyone around me down. People are counting on me and I can't deliver and it feels terrible to let down the people I love most. It's out of my hands, but that just makes me feel more out of control.
It was out of everybody's hands. Nobody could have predicted this. I asked my doctor if he had taken my X-ray 6 weeks ago, would that have changed my treatment plan, and he said no. He said he would have tried the sling first. Maybe he just said that to make me feel better, but I don't blame him. He did his job to the best of his ability and I trust my doctor. Best case scenario, even if I had the surgery in January, I would still be out of commission until at least March. It's quite possible I could be out of commission until April or May.
The only thing I can control is my attitude. Six weeks ago I felt sorry for myself. I blamed myself for falling off the pole. The whole fucking thing could have been prevented. Now, I just feel sorry for others. I'm not coming through on promises I made to friends, my boss, or even Bob. Poor Bobby has been shouldering the most and he rarely, if ever, complains to my face. I know it's been extra hard on him, so knowing that I'm about to put him through it all over again pains me deeply.
I thought I was at the end of the race and I could go back to work in the new year, but I'm not even half way there yet. I feel like somebody played a cruel trick on me. This has been the most exhausting time of my life.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
3 Inches
Every year after Christmas, I revamp my blog and talk about my new year's resolutions goals. I recap on how well I did fulfilling the previous year's goals and give my readers perspective on where my life trajectory is pointed.
It's coming a little early this year. Resolutions aside, I need to "shave" 3 inches off my hips in order to fit into the bridesmaid dress ordered for me. I'm too pear shaped as it were and to save in alteration fees, it was recommended that I go this route. I can't tell a lie. I gained a few pounds since breaking my collar bone. That's what happens when you don't do anything physical at all and eat out of boredom.
Some people may be offended that I'm making myself fit the dress instead of making the dress fit me, but I see this as a wonderful challenge and I feel really motivated to count calories properly and make a lifestyle change. I've set a realistic goal of losing 5 pounds a month. There's a lot of really helpful information online that I've read through and I feel confident that I know what I'm doing.
I see my doctor for an x-ray next week and I'll talk about it with him then. I'm focusing a lot on food intake because I just can't do full body workouts until I have full mobility in my arm and shoulder. It will take weeks before I am physically able to do what I used to do. I've got 7 months to do this and if I start with reducing calories now, and slowly add more exercise in as my body allows, I think I have a fair shot at meeting or exceeding my goal.
Obviously Christmas is going to be set back. I will attempt to portion control the 2 big dinners I get to eat and I will completely skip on the chocolate and dainties and alcohol served. I will eat my mother's traditional Christmas pudding however because that's only served once a year and it tastes super good.
The biggest obstacle I face will be my boyfriend. He likes to snack. I don't want to talk about his eating habits too much, but he has no problem sitting next to me on the couch eating delicious high-calorie foods that I can no longer afford to eat as part of my new calorie budget. My mouth is watering just thinking about ice cream and chips, but rice cakes and low fat pudding are tasty too. Perhaps after a while I won't even miss them!
Anyway, cheer me on! It's going to be a long, hard seven months, but definitely worth it when those bridal party pictures are snapped and I look gorgeous for eternity.
It's coming a little early this year. Resolutions aside, I need to "shave" 3 inches off my hips in order to fit into the bridesmaid dress ordered for me. I'm too pear shaped as it were and to save in alteration fees, it was recommended that I go this route. I can't tell a lie. I gained a few pounds since breaking my collar bone. That's what happens when you don't do anything physical at all and eat out of boredom.
Some people may be offended that I'm making myself fit the dress instead of making the dress fit me, but I see this as a wonderful challenge and I feel really motivated to count calories properly and make a lifestyle change. I've set a realistic goal of losing 5 pounds a month. There's a lot of really helpful information online that I've read through and I feel confident that I know what I'm doing.
I see my doctor for an x-ray next week and I'll talk about it with him then. I'm focusing a lot on food intake because I just can't do full body workouts until I have full mobility in my arm and shoulder. It will take weeks before I am physically able to do what I used to do. I've got 7 months to do this and if I start with reducing calories now, and slowly add more exercise in as my body allows, I think I have a fair shot at meeting or exceeding my goal.
Obviously Christmas is going to be set back. I will attempt to portion control the 2 big dinners I get to eat and I will completely skip on the chocolate and dainties and alcohol served. I will eat my mother's traditional Christmas pudding however because that's only served once a year and it tastes super good.
The biggest obstacle I face will be my boyfriend. He likes to snack. I don't want to talk about his eating habits too much, but he has no problem sitting next to me on the couch eating delicious high-calorie foods that I can no longer afford to eat as part of my new calorie budget. My mouth is watering just thinking about ice cream and chips, but rice cakes and low fat pudding are tasty too. Perhaps after a while I won't even miss them!
Anyway, cheer me on! It's going to be a long, hard seven months, but definitely worth it when those bridal party pictures are snapped and I look gorgeous for eternity.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Smart Spanking
Spanking is just like abortion or politics; it's always up for debate. I was reading an article by John Hoffman on Today's Parent about Smart Spanking and how the myth that spanking can be used as a tool to teach children about their wrongdoings has been busted completely. They caught parents on tape impulsively spanking their children out of anger and frustration because they were at a loss for what to do. How is that smart?
I grew up in a house that condoned spanking. Mom had other forms of discipline, but she let Dad spank my sister and I when he was home. I had very mixed feelings about my father when I was young. He never played with us or read to us, but we knew he was in a good mood if he wanted to have a tickle fight.
He honestly had no patience for children and he would roar at us. I actually had friends that didn't want to come over to my house to play because he scared them. At least they didn't have to live with him... I wet myself once when he spanked me.
I never wanted to be left alone with him. Mom had to leave the house one night and I couldn't go with her. I bawled my eyes out, pleading with her, please take me with you, let me go with you! Don't leave me here with him! How terribly sad is it that a daughter is so afraid of her father when she's supposed to look up to him to protect her. And he never used a paddle or belt or bare bottom either! I can't imagine the hell those kids went through growing up! Spanking should be child abuse. Hitting your child anywhere should be child abuse!
But, the Canadian government condones it. Section 43 of Canada’s Criminal Code allows “reasonable” hitting of children (aged two to 12) for corrective purposes.
Total WTF moment, right? They've done study after study after study proving the long-term and negative side effects of spanking, yet, people don't want to believe it! My father pretty well failed across the board when it came to parenting and being a husband. He was shitty role model to begin with. However, let's say we took spanking out of the equation, maybe I would have been much less afraid of him and maybe I would have trusted him. Having a slightly better relationship with my father as a child may have been the boost needed to having a slightly better adult life. It all adds up.
There is no such thing as "smart spanking" and I for one will never spank, hit, slap, or even tap my future children anywhere on their bodies. Quite simply it is wrong. I think it teaches aggression, distrust, and is the total opposite of the "use-your-words" technique that we try to teach children so they can express themselves without hitting or screaming.
I grew up in a house that condoned spanking. Mom had other forms of discipline, but she let Dad spank my sister and I when he was home. I had very mixed feelings about my father when I was young. He never played with us or read to us, but we knew he was in a good mood if he wanted to have a tickle fight.
He honestly had no patience for children and he would roar at us. I actually had friends that didn't want to come over to my house to play because he scared them. At least they didn't have to live with him... I wet myself once when he spanked me.
I never wanted to be left alone with him. Mom had to leave the house one night and I couldn't go with her. I bawled my eyes out, pleading with her, please take me with you, let me go with you! Don't leave me here with him! How terribly sad is it that a daughter is so afraid of her father when she's supposed to look up to him to protect her. And he never used a paddle or belt or bare bottom either! I can't imagine the hell those kids went through growing up! Spanking should be child abuse. Hitting your child anywhere should be child abuse!
But, the Canadian government condones it. Section 43 of Canada’s Criminal Code allows “reasonable” hitting of children (aged two to 12) for corrective purposes.
Total WTF moment, right? They've done study after study after study proving the long-term and negative side effects of spanking, yet, people don't want to believe it! My father pretty well failed across the board when it came to parenting and being a husband. He was shitty role model to begin with. However, let's say we took spanking out of the equation, maybe I would have been much less afraid of him and maybe I would have trusted him. Having a slightly better relationship with my father as a child may have been the boost needed to having a slightly better adult life. It all adds up.
There is no such thing as "smart spanking" and I for one will never spank, hit, slap, or even tap my future children anywhere on their bodies. Quite simply it is wrong. I think it teaches aggression, distrust, and is the total opposite of the "use-your-words" technique that we try to teach children so they can express themselves without hitting or screaming.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
"Best Times" of Our Lives
Why does every teen-based television show and movie have characters talk about how they want high school, especially grade 12, to be the best time of their lives? People actually seem legitimately worried that they're not milking every last drop of experience from their youth to be cherished later because they think it's all down hill after high school.
I could not wait for high school to end. I had falling outs with friends, I got made fun of, and I had zero school spirit. I have great memories and funny stories from that time, but I also experienced a lot of hurt and humiliation.
Raise your hand if you would redo high school and not change a thing.
What's that? High school sucked for you too? You mean grade 12 wasn't the epitome of your life either?
If I could redo high school, I would change everything.
Hands down, the best time of my life thus far worth reliving verbatim was college! I had true freedom and experimented with everything. Everything was new; new city, way of living, school, friends... It was the first time I felt uninhibited and could be myself without any cruel backlash. I bonded really well.
My life is only a 1/4 of the way through at best. There have been several highlights in my life, none greater than any of the others, and I fully expect to have more before I die. Perhaps the best time of my life will be when I'm 55! Who knows?
Too many people live for the past. Life doesn't end after high school, or college, or marriage, or children. It ends when your heart stops. I mean that both figuratively and literally.
I could not wait for high school to end. I had falling outs with friends, I got made fun of, and I had zero school spirit. I have great memories and funny stories from that time, but I also experienced a lot of hurt and humiliation.
Raise your hand if you would redo high school and not change a thing.
What's that? High school sucked for you too? You mean grade 12 wasn't the epitome of your life either?
If I could redo high school, I would change everything.
Hands down, the best time of my life thus far worth reliving verbatim was college! I had true freedom and experimented with everything. Everything was new; new city, way of living, school, friends... It was the first time I felt uninhibited and could be myself without any cruel backlash. I bonded really well.
My life is only a 1/4 of the way through at best. There have been several highlights in my life, none greater than any of the others, and I fully expect to have more before I die. Perhaps the best time of my life will be when I'm 55! Who knows?
Too many people live for the past. Life doesn't end after high school, or college, or marriage, or children. It ends when your heart stops. I mean that both figuratively and literally.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Dress Codes
I remember in the 9th grade I wore knee-high chunky black boots, a black mini-skirt, and a red spaghetti strap tank top to the school dance. That was the cool thing to wear. Nobody said shit to me about it except a 12th grader who took one look at me and said "We're not going to the bar, honey."
I was so mad at that bitch, especially since she was wearing an ultra low cut top, cut off short-shorts and flip flops. I remember I had this awesome come-back, "We're not going to the beach either, honey." but I didn't dare say it to her for fear of getting my ass kicked.
My school had a very, very relaxed dress code. We could wear almost anything we wanted to school, with a few exceptions. I can recall one girl getting in trouble for wearing tights as pants, and the teacher kicked her out of class and told her to put some real clothes on. That was hilarious for me because I didn't like that girl. Also, tights as pants? I've seen her recently. She still wears tights as pants. Some people never learn.
I can also recall one girl with a very large bust getting in trouble for wearing a spaghetti strap tank top because she was exposing too much cleavage. She complained she shouldn't get penalized when girls with "no boobs" got to wear spaghetti straps and it wasn't her fault she had big tits. After that, nobody could wear spaghetti straps unless you had a sweater to cover up with. Big titties always ruin everything for no-boobs girls like me.
One girl used to wear low rise jeans and yank her thong up to her hips so you could see it and she never got in trouble. I don't think we had inch restrictions on shorts or skirts either. I used to wear the shortest, tightest denim shorts to school. We couldn't bare our midriff, nor could we wear tube tops, unless we had something to cover our shoulders. Girls used to wear fuzzy pajama pants to school! I can't remember if those got banned or not. I think the blankets they carried around got banned.
Uniforms in school is just a precursor to wearing uniforms at work. And dress codes at school are a precursor to dress codes at work. We're not going to the bar and we're not going to the beach. We're going to an institution to learn, or out to make a living and we need to look the part.
An Ontario school is proposing a ban on tight fitting yoga pants. Obviously people everywhere are complaining a lot. Oh but they're so comfy, I learn better when I'm comfortable. Oh, they're too tight in the butt and distracting, we need to get rid of them so the boys can learn.
News flash! Girls can wear burlap sacks to school and boys will pop boners and fantasize about what's under that sack during class anyway. News flash again! All classes that aren't gym class don't require gym attire. If you're not doing yoga, don't wear yoga pants.
The school says they actually have a ban on all form fitting clothing. That doesn't even make sense. Growing up I was a very thin girl, including in high school. If I put on a long sleeved shirt that fit properly and jeans that fit me and were not skin tight, you could see the shape of my body clearly and you could see what little curves I had. I wasn't wearing a sexy outfit. I was just wearing normal jeans and a shirt. Clothes that fit you properly ARE form fitting. Is everybody supposed to walk around school wearing baggy pants and baggy sweaters so nobody has any idea what body type you are? Ridiculous!
This should be the dress code rules: If you'd wear it to the beach, the bar, the gym, or to bed, don't wear it to school. Express yourself however you want, but keep in mind that the "real world" doesn't begin after high school graduation; you're actually born into the real world and should dress appropriately for the occasion and your age at all times.
I was so mad at that bitch, especially since she was wearing an ultra low cut top, cut off short-shorts and flip flops. I remember I had this awesome come-back, "We're not going to the beach either, honey." but I didn't dare say it to her for fear of getting my ass kicked.
My school had a very, very relaxed dress code. We could wear almost anything we wanted to school, with a few exceptions. I can recall one girl getting in trouble for wearing tights as pants, and the teacher kicked her out of class and told her to put some real clothes on. That was hilarious for me because I didn't like that girl. Also, tights as pants? I've seen her recently. She still wears tights as pants. Some people never learn.
I can also recall one girl with a very large bust getting in trouble for wearing a spaghetti strap tank top because she was exposing too much cleavage. She complained she shouldn't get penalized when girls with "no boobs" got to wear spaghetti straps and it wasn't her fault she had big tits. After that, nobody could wear spaghetti straps unless you had a sweater to cover up with. Big titties always ruin everything for no-boobs girls like me.
One girl used to wear low rise jeans and yank her thong up to her hips so you could see it and she never got in trouble. I don't think we had inch restrictions on shorts or skirts either. I used to wear the shortest, tightest denim shorts to school. We couldn't bare our midriff, nor could we wear tube tops, unless we had something to cover our shoulders. Girls used to wear fuzzy pajama pants to school! I can't remember if those got banned or not. I think the blankets they carried around got banned.
Uniforms in school is just a precursor to wearing uniforms at work. And dress codes at school are a precursor to dress codes at work. We're not going to the bar and we're not going to the beach. We're going to an institution to learn, or out to make a living and we need to look the part.
An Ontario school is proposing a ban on tight fitting yoga pants. Obviously people everywhere are complaining a lot. Oh but they're so comfy, I learn better when I'm comfortable. Oh, they're too tight in the butt and distracting, we need to get rid of them so the boys can learn.
News flash! Girls can wear burlap sacks to school and boys will pop boners and fantasize about what's under that sack during class anyway. News flash again! All classes that aren't gym class don't require gym attire. If you're not doing yoga, don't wear yoga pants.
The school says they actually have a ban on all form fitting clothing. That doesn't even make sense. Growing up I was a very thin girl, including in high school. If I put on a long sleeved shirt that fit properly and jeans that fit me and were not skin tight, you could see the shape of my body clearly and you could see what little curves I had. I wasn't wearing a sexy outfit. I was just wearing normal jeans and a shirt. Clothes that fit you properly ARE form fitting. Is everybody supposed to walk around school wearing baggy pants and baggy sweaters so nobody has any idea what body type you are? Ridiculous!
This should be the dress code rules: If you'd wear it to the beach, the bar, the gym, or to bed, don't wear it to school. Express yourself however you want, but keep in mind that the "real world" doesn't begin after high school graduation; you're actually born into the real world and should dress appropriately for the occasion and your age at all times.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Parents Don't Always Know Best!
This blog is sprung from an article here and comments I read here.
A 9 year old weighing in the range of 200 pounds was removed from his home in Ohio and placed in foster care because his parents failed to help him lose weight. After working with the family for more than a year, the state determined that the mother's inability to get her son's weight down was a form of medical neglect. They said his weight gain was due to his environment on his mother was not following doctor's orders.
I agree with the state of Ohio's decision to remove the child to help him improve his health - What I don't agree with is the mindless comments people make about the article. (yes the internet is full of idiots.... whatever!)
People assume that this family is poor and cannot afford "nutritious" food.
People assume that this entire family is fat.
People assume that all this family eats is "junk food."
Then people get into debates about what is considered healthy or unhealthy food and food banks and budgeting and cost of living and poor people strife. It's all completely off topic!
The ONLY thing we know about this family is they have a morbidly obese son. Perhaps the mom is mammoth-sized and perhaps she's a healthy weight. We don't know. Perhaps she feeds him a healthy dinner every night and the boy goes back for a third or fourth helping, plus dessert. Perhaps she feels guilty about something and part of her parenting style is to bribe and reward with food. Maybe she coddles him and won't let him walk to school or do housework. Maybe he doesn't make friends easily and has very low self-esteem and his family comforts him with food.
I think it's less about income or food choices and more about portion control and lack of parenting skills. Parents of all social classes want their children to behave and listen. Sometimes it's easier to let the TV babysit and sometimes it's easier to give in and hand out the cookies. It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor; you can still be a clueless parent and let your kid become fat. If you discipline consistently and set rules and limits, 200 pound third graders wouldn't be our reality today.
In conclusion, the government should always step in when a child is severely overweight and force parents to take nutrition and parenting classes. If a healthier lifestyle isn't achieved in a year, that poor kid needs to leave and live somewhere where he can helped. Parents don't always know what's best and children learn a lot from their parents!
A 9 year old weighing in the range of 200 pounds was removed from his home in Ohio and placed in foster care because his parents failed to help him lose weight. After working with the family for more than a year, the state determined that the mother's inability to get her son's weight down was a form of medical neglect. They said his weight gain was due to his environment on his mother was not following doctor's orders.
I agree with the state of Ohio's decision to remove the child to help him improve his health - What I don't agree with is the mindless comments people make about the article. (yes the internet is full of idiots.... whatever!)
People assume that this family is poor and cannot afford "nutritious" food.
People assume that this entire family is fat.
People assume that all this family eats is "junk food."
Then people get into debates about what is considered healthy or unhealthy food and food banks and budgeting and cost of living and poor people strife. It's all completely off topic!
The ONLY thing we know about this family is they have a morbidly obese son. Perhaps the mom is mammoth-sized and perhaps she's a healthy weight. We don't know. Perhaps she feeds him a healthy dinner every night and the boy goes back for a third or fourth helping, plus dessert. Perhaps she feels guilty about something and part of her parenting style is to bribe and reward with food. Maybe she coddles him and won't let him walk to school or do housework. Maybe he doesn't make friends easily and has very low self-esteem and his family comforts him with food.
I think it's less about income or food choices and more about portion control and lack of parenting skills. Parents of all social classes want their children to behave and listen. Sometimes it's easier to let the TV babysit and sometimes it's easier to give in and hand out the cookies. It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor; you can still be a clueless parent and let your kid become fat. If you discipline consistently and set rules and limits, 200 pound third graders wouldn't be our reality today.
In conclusion, the government should always step in when a child is severely overweight and force parents to take nutrition and parenting classes. If a healthier lifestyle isn't achieved in a year, that poor kid needs to leave and live somewhere where he can helped. Parents don't always know what's best and children learn a lot from their parents!
Friday, December 2, 2011
SOLD
Today I sold my dance pole. It was a bittersweet moment. I cried when I posted the ad, but now that I have a buyer coming and I'm going to have cash in my hand, I feel good knowing I made a fair sale. She haggled me down $100 and tried to haggle another $20, but I put my foot down and stayed firm on my bottom line. She said okay and we made arrangements for her to collect the pole.
Another thing happened today. Against the recommendation of the bank, the internet, and probably anyone who reads this, I withdrew $1200 from my RSP account. $120 was deducted for taxes and I still have $2000 left in the account.
I just really need the money. I've already spoken to the bank twice and they tried to help me the best the could, but it wasn't enough. I'm in the hole $20,000 and extending credit limits or increasing my overdraft limit, like the bank suggested, will just put me in more debt. The amount I would owe in interest fees overtime would be much greater than the amount taxed from my RSP withdrawal.
I've been working on trying to get some under the table type jobs for extra cash, but nobody's very good at seeing a conversation through to the end. I get a reply back and when I try to firm up a date and time to meet, they don't follow through, don't email back, don't phone me back. It's frustrating.
Right now I'm cold call canvassing for a guy that clears snow. It's a lot of work I don't get paid for, but hopefully I'll get something out of it. I might also get this babysitting job, but she won't firm up a meeting time.
By the time I get my first EI payment, I'll be due back at work soon enough. The nightmare will be over. Having no job and no savings and no arm over the holiday season is truly a hell I never wish to tread through again. I was so unprepared for an emergency and I can't believe it happened to me and now! Save your money kiddies! You too, could seriously injure yourself while drunk or sober, upside down on a pole or right-side up on the ground.
Another thing happened today. Against the recommendation of the bank, the internet, and probably anyone who reads this, I withdrew $1200 from my RSP account. $120 was deducted for taxes and I still have $2000 left in the account.
I just really need the money. I've already spoken to the bank twice and they tried to help me the best the could, but it wasn't enough. I'm in the hole $20,000 and extending credit limits or increasing my overdraft limit, like the bank suggested, will just put me in more debt. The amount I would owe in interest fees overtime would be much greater than the amount taxed from my RSP withdrawal.
I've been working on trying to get some under the table type jobs for extra cash, but nobody's very good at seeing a conversation through to the end. I get a reply back and when I try to firm up a date and time to meet, they don't follow through, don't email back, don't phone me back. It's frustrating.
Right now I'm cold call canvassing for a guy that clears snow. It's a lot of work I don't get paid for, but hopefully I'll get something out of it. I might also get this babysitting job, but she won't firm up a meeting time.
By the time I get my first EI payment, I'll be due back at work soon enough. The nightmare will be over. Having no job and no savings and no arm over the holiday season is truly a hell I never wish to tread through again. I was so unprepared for an emergency and I can't believe it happened to me and now! Save your money kiddies! You too, could seriously injure yourself while drunk or sober, upside down on a pole or right-side up on the ground.
