Different Narratives

All my favourite books are written in a third-person narrative. When I first started trying to write, I always wrote in the third person. I didn't even attempt to write any other way. I knew you could, but I never really tried.

Then I started reading this book called The Third Policeman by Flann O'Brian. It has multiple covers, but this is what the cover looks like from my particular copy.

It's truly one of the most fascinating books I've ever read. I urge all of you to find a copy and read it immediately, or at the very list, add it to your list of books to read before you die. If you're a fan of the TV show Lost, you will be interested to know that the show was loosely based on this book. I can't actually cite that fact, but that's what Bob told me.

Anyway, this post isn't really about the book, I just wanted to plug it.

The book is written in the first person and it inspired to write a sample in the first person. I did so and I kind of liked it. It seemed so personal, but the character's voice was off. It was just a page-long sample, but the character's voice is so much more important in the first person that you could totally tell there was something not quite right about the passage.

I then took something that I had already written in the third person and tried to re-work it so it would be in the first person and it was a laborious task that didn't translate well. However when I converted my first person sample to third person, I liked it much better. The voice was clearer and it seemed more natural.

Supposedly, writing first person narrative is the easiest way to write something and many authors publish their first book in the first person and all subsequent books are published in the third person. Apparently, some writers write their whole first draft in the first person and then convert it to third person during the second and third drafts. Bizarre.

Really, anything written well, in any narrative, reads effortlessly and is beautiful. Bad first person narrative is a lot harder to read than bad third person narrative, I think.

Like I said, all my favourite books were written in third person narrative, and that's where I draw my inspiration and writing style from.

Keeping a journal, and a blog, you'd think writing in first person would come more naturally to me, but I really struggled with that sample I wrote. It was like it was too formally written or something. I didn't want it to sound like me, I wanted it to sound like my character. When I was reading it back, I thought, what the hell, people don't talk that way! To go back and make it sound more natural, like it was actually a real person saying it, and not me saying it, was too much work. I converted the whole thing to third person and it fixed most of the problems I had with it.

Anyway, if anyone wants to talk about The Third Policeman, I'll be waiting. I'm not done the book yet, but I'm close.

The Country

I deeply miss living in the country. Sage Creek is nice because it's outside the city and in its own little nook. When I look out my window I see a huge field and a man-made lake. I can hear the birds and the wind and I can hear traffic on Bishop Grandin too, but the sound feels distant. Cars rarely travel down my street. At night time, I don't ever hear any sirens, nor are there bright street lamps glowing. By the time it all gets developed, I hope to not be living here anymore.

Sage Creek just isn't the same as living in the country though. I miss the house I grew up in. I miss the hay-bails and the horses next door. I miss the years mom would plant a garden and my sister and I would "help." I miss climbing on top of the dog roof with candles, a blanket, and my journal, writing under the stars and wondering where life will take me.

I've been feeling nostalgic for a couple of weeks now. I think it's because I'm actually starting to feel pregnant. It's sinking in that a life force is inside me and will one day exit me. I want to give my child the same wonderful childhood that I had. I want my child to be able to play outside in a huge yard without fences. I want a tree-house and a swing-set and a sandbox.

There's always so much to do outside in all kinds of weather. I miss chasing my dog through the leaves in autumn, or making Styrofoam boats to float in puddles in the spring. I miss the bonfires in the summer and going cross-country skiing behind the property in winter.

I live in a fourth-floor apartment and there isn't any green space in the whole development! I never thought this is where I'd be raising my baby. I'm disappointed.

The boyfriend doesn't want to leave the city any time soon. He's lived inside the city his whole life. He enjoys the conveniences and proximity to work. When I first moved to the city, I felt the same. When I lived off Corydon Ave, it was the prettiest part of the city. Huge trees, lots of parks everywhere, and it was so central without being too crowded. Houses probably cost a million dollars there, but it's nice to dream.

Bob and I can't move until we both get full-time jobs. That's not going to happen until after the baby's born. I'm stuck here in Sage Creek for now. There are worse places to be stuck I suppose, but every day I wish I was moving back to the country.

Diaries for Boys

Today I was a substitute librarian. The Scholastic Book Fair is currently on and my job was to sit in the library and supervise the students who came in to make wish-lists to bring home to their parents.

There were two kinds of diaries for sale for $7.50 and both of them had "girl" covers. One had a puppy and kitty napping with flowers and the other was pink with a cartoon girl on it. I'm not exaggerating, I had several BOYS extremely interested in these diaries and many of them asked if there were any "diaries for boys."

I would have to say that the novelty of the diary was that it came with a special lock and key, but nonetheless, boys have a right to privacy and to journal. The boys that were interested were between the grades of 3-6. Even if they weren't going to use the diary to write about their feelings, why not encourage them to write down ideas, stories, or logs? Being allowed to have privacy and to keep secrets makes kids feel older and more mature. Plus, I think free writing is a great form of creative expression and practice for editorializing thoughts that help shape personal identity.

With little work to actually do, I sent off an email to Scholastic telling them that I thought marketing diaries to only girls was sexist and next year they should include diaries with more masculine or neutral covers because several young male students were interested in the diaries, but were too embarrassed to buy because the covers were so overtly girly.

I received an email back from Scholastic:

Dear Chelsea,

Thank you for your e-mail regarding diaries for boys.

We appreciate you contacting us with your comments.  Receiving comments and suggestions from our customers helps us provide you with a better service.  I have forwarded your concerns to the appropriate department for their review.

We would like to take a moment and confirm that currently in our March Click promotion we are offering the Secret Stuff- Invisible Notes.  This can be found as item # 67 for a cost of $9.99.  We will also be offering an item titled Secret Stuff for Boys on the May Click as item # 71 for the same price.  For your convenience we have included the following link for you to view the item offered in the March flyer. www.scholastic.ca/clubs/click/.

Trusting this has been of assistance, we remain,

Yours truly,

Mary Petrungaro
Book Club Customer Service

I am satisfied that I may have made a difference in a future little boy's life who just want to to keep his musings under lock and key.

I also told the boys that if they were serious about wanting a journal for boys with a lock and key, they could always find them at Wal-Mart.

One boy declared in frustration, "But at Wal-Mart it will cost a hundred dollars!!!"
I assured him it wouldn't.

Birth Plan

When I confirmed my pregnancy with my family doctor he asked which hospital I wanted to give birth in. I didn't know. It was the last thing on my mind, really. He wrote down St. Boniface or HSC on the paper and said we could decide when I come in for my first prenatal exam.

Truth be told, I don't want to give birth in a hospital. I don't want to sit in that uncomfortable bed with my legs in the air and wear that dumb hospital gown or listen to the sounds of the hospital or the machines doing whatever it is they do. I want a water birth in a comfortable birthing centre where my friends and family will be comfortable waiting for me on the other side of the wall.

"But what if something goes horribly wrong? Don't you want the security of already being at the hospital?"

Never in my life have I had a worst-case-scenario mindset. Hospitals may be a security blanket for most people, but for me, they freak me out. Should my pregnancy be complicated or high risk in any way, I will be forced to give birth in the hospital. Should my pregnancy be progressing normally, I want to enlist the services of a midwife and give birth at the Women's Health Clinic. In fact, I've already called there and someone will be contacting me by the end of the week.

Midwives provide more intensive care than a doctor ever could because she's only taking on a handful of clients each month. A lot more time is dedicated to me, especially after the baby's born, plus my midwife is there for me every step of the way. She can do pretty much everything a doctor can and even deal with common problems or complications during birth or with the baby's health. Obviously a midwife is trained to look out for complications beyond the scope of her expertise, just like all other medical professionals, and an ambulance can always come and get us if shit gets serious.

As it is now, my family doctor is caring for me until my third trimester, and then I'm switched to be cared for by someone else at the St. Boniface Hospital, who may or may not deliver my baby. That's stressful! That's inconsistent and gives me anxiety not knowing who is caring for me, if they even care about me, or if they'll even be there on the big day to support me.

No, I'm staying away from hospitals if I can help it and definitely focusing on a birth plan that includes a birthing centre and the help of a midwife.

Also, I've decided to go back on Lithium when I enter my second trimester. Ever since I stopped taking it, I've been wanting to go back on it. There is an increased risk of heart defects in the fetus when taking lithium during the first trimester, but after the heart forms, that risk is gone. There are no other known birth defects I put my baby at risk for during the 2nd and 3rd trimester.

There's a risk of me developing reversible thyroid or kidney toxicity, a goiter, hypotonia, and if I use Lithium too close to giving birth my baby may have difficulty breathing and/or feeding. Most women who go off Lithium for the first trimester and then go back on it for the second trimester, wean off it later in third trimester. That's what I would like to do.

With the stress of being in 2 wedding parties this summer, getting the apartment baby-friendly-ready, and just keeping on top of day to day matters, I am overwhelmed and low functioning, often getting nothing done all day. Bob's dealing with school, the finances, keeping up the apartment, and an unwell, high-demand girlfriend. He's asked me to go back on Lithium. The benefits greatly outweigh the risks by this point.

I see my family doctor on the 28th for my first prenatal exam. I will tell him my decision to go back on Lithium and to use a midwife. If everything is looking okay, our lives are about to get a lot easier - at least our short term lives are!

Sleeping Arangements

When the cats were kittens, I taught them that my bed was for sleeping only. I did not allow them to play, wrestle, or bring toys onto the bed. Having a kitten pounce on your foot when you shift ever so slightly under the covers is cute, but nevertheless I scolded my kittens and sent them out of the room if they weren't ready to go to sleep when I was.

It worked. The cats know the bed is for sleeping and grooming only. Occasionally the grooming session will end in a tussle, but I shoo them off the bed when I see this.

On with my point; My two youngest cats enjoy sleeping under the covers. I have accidentally sat on my cats because they made a little fort under the blankets and I didn't realize they were under there. They have done this ever since they were kittens. It's all soft and warm and cozy under there, so I can understand why, but my youngest, Crush, has taken it to an all new level!

I usually crawl into bed after Bob's asleep. Lately when I do so, Crush is already under the covers with just his cute little head poking out. He's usually snuggled right up against Bob's back and he sleeps between Bob and I just like this literally all night. I wake up in the morning and he's in the exact same position as when I went to bed. Sometimes he sprawls out over onto Bob's side after Bob gets up.

It's the funniest thing! The other two non-privileged cats have to sleep on top of the covers at the foot of the bed now. It seems to be effecting Dale. He's a lot more needy during the day because he doesn't get any snuggle time at night now that Crush has claimed his spot and refuses to move.

Crush used to try to sleep in my spot when I would come to bed late. I didn't shoo him. Instead, I lied down right on top of him, putting as much weight on him as I could. I let him struggle for a minute before lifting my head just enough for him to squirm out. He eventually learned the lesson that I was bigger, stronger, and heavier than him so he must obey me and fear me.

I promise I'll raise my first born human child differently.

Kindergarten

I was asked to be a substitute teacher's assistant today. Nepotism at its best - my mom's the acting principal! I agreed and worked in the kindergarten class all day. Wow, school has changed!

The classroom seemed a lot more relaxed. Kids could get up and go to the bathroom without raising their hand or even asking. Nobody was forced to sit in their chair properly. Kids kept juice boxes and water bottles on their desks. There was a microwave. Everybody talked. A lot! There also seemed to be a lot less time for imaginative free play.

Collectively, 5 year olds are disgusting. They are that way because their idiot parents think chocolate pudding is a good snack. Noooooo!!! That is a disgusting snack that gets all over your kid's face, shirt, arms, and desk! Bananas are also disgusting. It's a mushy mess that gets everywhere as well, but is harder to see because of the light colour.

I told Bob to never let me pack these items for our own child. The ravioli, the yogurt, the sticky fruit roll-ups. GROSS! Teachers don't make kids wash their hands and face FYI.

A lot of them knew that LMFAO song Sexy And I Know It, but they weren't allowed to say the word "sexy" because it's inappropriate for school. Instead they sang, I'm happy and I know it. All in all, it was a good day. The kids were cute and made me laugh.