I can think of very few adult people that actually genuinely enjoy children's music. The nursery rhymes and the silly songs and the children's entertainers... BLAH! I think children's music has its place, but it shouldn't be the only thing your kids listen to.
Growing up I listened to a lot of Fred Penner, Jake Chenier, Sharon Lois and Bram, and audio books. I also listened to a lot of really bad country music - I still hate country music to this day - and I listened to a lot of oldies music from the 60s and 70s.
Guess what I still listen to? If you guessed oldies, you are correct! I have very fond memories of driving around with my dad in his truck and dad goofing around, singing along to the radio and making me laugh. It's nice to hear a song and think, Hey, this was good when I was a kid and it's still good today! Nobody is going to ever say that about The Wiggles.
So, when trying to pick out some songs to sing to Tesla, it was important to me that I pick out songs that A) I actually liked and wouldn't mind singing over and over and over again and B) Tesla could hear as an adult and think, Oh, my mom sang this to me when I was a kid. I liked it then and I still like it now.
There's always the chance that Tesla will despise Indy, alternative, and folk music just as I have always loathed country music despite growing up listening to it. (But my music is good and country music will always be terrible.)
Here are the songs that I sing to my baby girl.
Car by Built To Spill
Upwards Over the Mountain by Iron & Wine
Lethal Killers by Abandoned Pools
I love these songs; I think the lyrics are meaningful and even though it will be many years before Tesla understands what the songs are about, it doesn't mean I shouldn't sing them to her now. They're not even close to being anything like a traditional lullaby, but when you're going a cappella, you can make anything sound soothing.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Peanut Bans
With a new year school year already underway, the talk of banning nuts comes up once again. My position has always been that banning nuts in schools creates a false sense of security and in no way prepares an allergic child for dealing with the allergy in the real world. The Calgary Allergy Network has a fantastic article about it!
Let's get real: The world is not going to come together and fight to extinct the peanut or tree nuts just because the amount of people developing the allergy is on the rise. We are not going to eradicate the world of any and all nuts because that is lunacy. I still don't know why people think creating nut free zones is the best way to deal with kids with nut allergies. No other allergy case goes to this extreme.
I worked in a nut free daycare for some months. I do not know how many kids attending the daycare were allergic to nuts, but there was a girl allergic to all forms of melon and avocado, a girl allergic to sesame, and there was a boy allergic to milk. The daycare did not ban any of those things (because that would be ridiculous) but it did notify parents so they could be aware and choose not to send those items if they were feeling empathetic.
Every child in that daycare is made to wash their hands before and after every meal and the tables are cleaned before and after every meal. In the 2-3 year old room, even the chairs get fully wiped down after every meal and the floor is swept up afterward too. There is a strict no sharing lunches and snacks rule in effect as well. If it's possible that those 3 kids somehow are not dead after attending daycare, maybe, just maybe, the kids with peanut allergies might also survive if we allowed nuts back in?
Let's apply those standards to an elementary school where kids are slightly more mature than the toddlers at daycare and who might even know how to read, and you've got no reason to ban nuts at the school either. Perhaps the cafeteria food is all nut free, but that's the school's choice. By the time kindergarten rolls around, a normal child with an allergy should know not to trade lunches with others or accept snacks without knowing what the ingredients are. That's called proper parenting.
Banning nuts at schools is a complacent way of doing things. Instead of spending all that time enforcing the no nuts rule, why not enforce a hand washing rule? Why not enforce wiping down desks and tables before and after lunch? Even with a peanut ban in effect, you should be washing your hands and desks anyway and then there would be no need for the ban to begin with!
I get that parents just want their kids to be safe, especially psycho helicopter parents trying to control every aspect of their children's lives, but knowledge is power in this instance. Educate others about your child's allergy. Educate your child about his or her allergy. Make sure your child and others at the school know what to do if an allergic reaction occurs. A ban isn't going to save your kid's life when he accidentally ingests something, or even just touches something he's allergic to; knowing where his EpiPen is and how to use it will.
Let's get real: The world is not going to come together and fight to extinct the peanut or tree nuts just because the amount of people developing the allergy is on the rise. We are not going to eradicate the world of any and all nuts because that is lunacy. I still don't know why people think creating nut free zones is the best way to deal with kids with nut allergies. No other allergy case goes to this extreme.
I worked in a nut free daycare for some months. I do not know how many kids attending the daycare were allergic to nuts, but there was a girl allergic to all forms of melon and avocado, a girl allergic to sesame, and there was a boy allergic to milk. The daycare did not ban any of those things (because that would be ridiculous) but it did notify parents so they could be aware and choose not to send those items if they were feeling empathetic.
Every child in that daycare is made to wash their hands before and after every meal and the tables are cleaned before and after every meal. In the 2-3 year old room, even the chairs get fully wiped down after every meal and the floor is swept up afterward too. There is a strict no sharing lunches and snacks rule in effect as well. If it's possible that those 3 kids somehow are not dead after attending daycare, maybe, just maybe, the kids with peanut allergies might also survive if we allowed nuts back in?
Let's apply those standards to an elementary school where kids are slightly more mature than the toddlers at daycare and who might even know how to read, and you've got no reason to ban nuts at the school either. Perhaps the cafeteria food is all nut free, but that's the school's choice. By the time kindergarten rolls around, a normal child with an allergy should know not to trade lunches with others or accept snacks without knowing what the ingredients are. That's called proper parenting.
Banning nuts at schools is a complacent way of doing things. Instead of spending all that time enforcing the no nuts rule, why not enforce a hand washing rule? Why not enforce wiping down desks and tables before and after lunch? Even with a peanut ban in effect, you should be washing your hands and desks anyway and then there would be no need for the ban to begin with!
I get that parents just want their kids to be safe, especially psycho helicopter parents trying to control every aspect of their children's lives, but knowledge is power in this instance. Educate others about your child's allergy. Educate your child about his or her allergy. Make sure your child and others at the school know what to do if an allergic reaction occurs. A ban isn't going to save your kid's life when he accidentally ingests something, or even just touches something he's allergic to; knowing where his EpiPen is and how to use it will.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Breaking Up With Breastfeeding
My entire pregnancy I knew I wanted to try breastfeeding. I never said to people, Yes, I am breastfeeding, I always said, I want to try.
I tried.
Tesla was brought to the neonatal intensive care unit after she was born. Due to my own complications recovering from the epidural, I didn't get to see her until 4.5 hours later. I had to be wheeled in to see her because I couldn't walk and I had the shakes. It was 4am and I was exhausted. I held Tesla for 5 minutes and then was wheeled back to my room and helped into bed.
Nearly 17 hours after given birth I was finally given the opportunity to pump for the first time and about a teaspoon came out.
I was told to pump every three hours. Each time I pumped, less and less came out. I was also given seroquel, an anti-psychotic drug used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar. I told everyone I didn't want to leave the hospital until I was given medication safe to take while breastfeeding. It worked like a horse tranquilizer on me. Thirty minutes after taking it I couldn't walk. I was out and I slept and slept and slept and slept. People came in and out of my room, called my name... no response, I was dead to the world for hours. I obviously missed pumping in that time.
When I came to, I tried pumping some more. Just drops were coming out. By the afternoon Tesla was brought to my room as NICU had no reason to keep her. She was doing really well. We tried latching a couple times without success. I took a half dose of seroquel that night hoping it would have less severe results. An hour after taking it I was very drowsy and couldn't get out of bed.
The night nurse had to wheel Tesla out of my room and keep her behind the desk and take care of her because the seroquel knocked me out again and I couldn't take care of my baby. I missed three feedings and obviously didn't pump.
In the morning I said, absolutely no more seroquel! I tried pumping. Nothing came out. Not even one drop. I was overwhelmed, I was frustrated, I was tired, I was so sick of being at the hospital. It was my 6th day there and really just wanted to go home. I told the lactation consultant I was done breastfeeding, I just want my lithium back. She understood and psych-health visited me and put in the recommendation that I be given a prescription for lithium before I left the hospital.
I can't breastfeed on lithium because the lithium level would enter her body and if it got to a toxic level it could kill her or cause brain, liver, or kidnery damage, or mess up her thyroid gland.
It was such a relief to come home, my milk came in! I was so excited I decided to not take my lithium and instead breastfeed without taking any medication. I thought, I did it for 8 months, what's one more month? Then when I see the psychiatrist October 1st, we can discuss how the month went and if I'd like to continue on without medication.
After 5 days of poor latches, periodic pumping and feeding her mostly formula anyway I told my public health nurse I was done and wanted to go back on lithium. I was crying all the time, I felt empty inside, and I was extremely unhappy. Tesla wasn't eating as much as she should, and she wasn't gaining any weight and that was stressing me out too. As badly as I wanted to breastfeed her, especially since she's 5 weeks premature, I knew I was burning myself out and if I kept living like this, something bad was going to happen.
My public health nurse was not listening to me and she suggested I stop trying to get her to latch and just pump instead, then bottle feed what I pump, buy a better pump to make it easier... "Do you know the benefits of breastfeeding? Because Tesla's so premature, she really needs all that good stuff only your breastmilk has to offer."
I could have slapped her. Especially when she ended with, "I'm not trying to push breastfeeding on you!" I was already upset and feeling guilty about having to quit breastfeeding so soon, and it was like she was rubbing salt in the wound. She said I have a bit of the baby blues and it's so early, all new moms go through this... I just rolled my eyes because while I very may well have baby blues I also have bipolar disorder and that trumps baby blues in a major way.
So, I took my lithium last night. It will take a few weeks for it to really take effect, but I can no longer breastfeed. Since switching to formula exclusively, Tesla has been eating so much better, consuming more than she ever did before and it's only been one and a half days.
Obviously I want what's best for my baby. I really wish I could breastfeed her. I would absolutely keep trying if my mental health wasn't on the line. What Tesla needs is a healthy mother, ready, willing, and able to take care of her 24/7. Without my lithium, I don't think I can be the kind of caregiver necessary for providing her with all her basic needs. Breast may be best, but in this instance it really isn't and I've made my peace with that.
I tried.
Tesla was brought to the neonatal intensive care unit after she was born. Due to my own complications recovering from the epidural, I didn't get to see her until 4.5 hours later. I had to be wheeled in to see her because I couldn't walk and I had the shakes. It was 4am and I was exhausted. I held Tesla for 5 minutes and then was wheeled back to my room and helped into bed.
Nearly 17 hours after given birth I was finally given the opportunity to pump for the first time and about a teaspoon came out.
I was told to pump every three hours. Each time I pumped, less and less came out. I was also given seroquel, an anti-psychotic drug used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar. I told everyone I didn't want to leave the hospital until I was given medication safe to take while breastfeeding. It worked like a horse tranquilizer on me. Thirty minutes after taking it I couldn't walk. I was out and I slept and slept and slept and slept. People came in and out of my room, called my name... no response, I was dead to the world for hours. I obviously missed pumping in that time.
When I came to, I tried pumping some more. Just drops were coming out. By the afternoon Tesla was brought to my room as NICU had no reason to keep her. She was doing really well. We tried latching a couple times without success. I took a half dose of seroquel that night hoping it would have less severe results. An hour after taking it I was very drowsy and couldn't get out of bed.
The night nurse had to wheel Tesla out of my room and keep her behind the desk and take care of her because the seroquel knocked me out again and I couldn't take care of my baby. I missed three feedings and obviously didn't pump.
In the morning I said, absolutely no more seroquel! I tried pumping. Nothing came out. Not even one drop. I was overwhelmed, I was frustrated, I was tired, I was so sick of being at the hospital. It was my 6th day there and really just wanted to go home. I told the lactation consultant I was done breastfeeding, I just want my lithium back. She understood and psych-health visited me and put in the recommendation that I be given a prescription for lithium before I left the hospital.
I can't breastfeed on lithium because the lithium level would enter her body and if it got to a toxic level it could kill her or cause brain, liver, or kidnery damage, or mess up her thyroid gland.
It was such a relief to come home, my milk came in! I was so excited I decided to not take my lithium and instead breastfeed without taking any medication. I thought, I did it for 8 months, what's one more month? Then when I see the psychiatrist October 1st, we can discuss how the month went and if I'd like to continue on without medication.
After 5 days of poor latches, periodic pumping and feeding her mostly formula anyway I told my public health nurse I was done and wanted to go back on lithium. I was crying all the time, I felt empty inside, and I was extremely unhappy. Tesla wasn't eating as much as she should, and she wasn't gaining any weight and that was stressing me out too. As badly as I wanted to breastfeed her, especially since she's 5 weeks premature, I knew I was burning myself out and if I kept living like this, something bad was going to happen.
My public health nurse was not listening to me and she suggested I stop trying to get her to latch and just pump instead, then bottle feed what I pump, buy a better pump to make it easier... "Do you know the benefits of breastfeeding? Because Tesla's so premature, she really needs all that good stuff only your breastmilk has to offer."
I could have slapped her. Especially when she ended with, "I'm not trying to push breastfeeding on you!" I was already upset and feeling guilty about having to quit breastfeeding so soon, and it was like she was rubbing salt in the wound. She said I have a bit of the baby blues and it's so early, all new moms go through this... I just rolled my eyes because while I very may well have baby blues I also have bipolar disorder and that trumps baby blues in a major way.
So, I took my lithium last night. It will take a few weeks for it to really take effect, but I can no longer breastfeed. Since switching to formula exclusively, Tesla has been eating so much better, consuming more than she ever did before and it's only been one and a half days.
Obviously I want what's best for my baby. I really wish I could breastfeed her. I would absolutely keep trying if my mental health wasn't on the line. What Tesla needs is a healthy mother, ready, willing, and able to take care of her 24/7. Without my lithium, I don't think I can be the kind of caregiver necessary for providing her with all her basic needs. Breast may be best, but in this instance it really isn't and I've made my peace with that.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Tesla @ Home
I am not usually an obsessive person. Things that consume me only do so for a short period of time. However, now that I have this lovely baby living in my apartment, my entire life revolves around my daughter, Tesla. If I were to meet someone new and the rule was I wasn't allowed to talk about my baby or let on that I had a child, I don't know what I'd talk about. I'd probably draw a blank unless the person also watched Big Brother. I always make time for that show!
I was in the hospital for 6 days with no TV or radio and I only went on Facebook for 10 minutes a day on Bob's smartphone so I could update everyone and read everyone's comments they posted. My world stood still for a week. I didn't care what was happening everywhere. It didn't even occur to me to ask for a newspaper. To be so disconnected, consumed with myself, and not care is a strange but good feeling. It doesn't happen too often in a person's life.
Tesla's 8 days old now. She's so cute and tiny. I like it when she opens both her eyes and looks right at me when I'm holding her. I'm your mommy, Tesla, Hello! She likes to work out her face muscles. I'll put her in her swing and watch her face change from full smile, pouty lips, crooked smile, yawn, kissy lips, frown, sad face, perfect O lips with raised eyebrows, the sneeze, tongue sticking out, the lip smack... There's so many subtle nuances about her that I notice. Then there's all the funny hand and arm positioning she goes through. She's a wonderful girl.
Time is moving so slowly it seems. The hardest part of my day, and night for that matter, is sleeping when she sleeps. I find it hard to sleep during the day without curtains on the window and I also find it hard to sleep at night because feedings take up the majority of my time and it often feels like, what's the point in trying to sleep for 1.5 hours? It doesn't seem worth it. Since she isn't exclusively breastfed, it's nice when Bob can take over 1 or 2 feedings in a row so I can get some uninterrupted sleep.
People are always visiting. I'm averaging two a day. I like it because then I can hear about someone else's life and remember the world didn't stop the night Tesla was born. People went on about their life, living. One day, I too will have a life. One day I will be able to sleep through the night. One day she will be older and taller and I will miss her when she was this young and small.
I was in the hospital for 6 days with no TV or radio and I only went on Facebook for 10 minutes a day on Bob's smartphone so I could update everyone and read everyone's comments they posted. My world stood still for a week. I didn't care what was happening everywhere. It didn't even occur to me to ask for a newspaper. To be so disconnected, consumed with myself, and not care is a strange but good feeling. It doesn't happen too often in a person's life.
Tesla's 8 days old now. She's so cute and tiny. I like it when she opens both her eyes and looks right at me when I'm holding her. I'm your mommy, Tesla, Hello! She likes to work out her face muscles. I'll put her in her swing and watch her face change from full smile, pouty lips, crooked smile, yawn, kissy lips, frown, sad face, perfect O lips with raised eyebrows, the sneeze, tongue sticking out, the lip smack... There's so many subtle nuances about her that I notice. Then there's all the funny hand and arm positioning she goes through. She's a wonderful girl.
Time is moving so slowly it seems. The hardest part of my day, and night for that matter, is sleeping when she sleeps. I find it hard to sleep during the day without curtains on the window and I also find it hard to sleep at night because feedings take up the majority of my time and it often feels like, what's the point in trying to sleep for 1.5 hours? It doesn't seem worth it. Since she isn't exclusively breastfed, it's nice when Bob can take over 1 or 2 feedings in a row so I can get some uninterrupted sleep.
People are always visiting. I'm averaging two a day. I like it because then I can hear about someone else's life and remember the world didn't stop the night Tesla was born. People went on about their life, living. One day, I too will have a life. One day I will be able to sleep through the night. One day she will be older and taller and I will miss her when she was this young and small.
