I LOVE the family sitcom Full House more than you will ever know. I am currently downloading all of the seasons for my personal viewing pleasure. There are 8 seasons I think. I am on season 3.
They just don't make tv shows like they used to, you know. Back in the day situational comedies based on any given family was the norm. Every episode had a valuable lesson to be learned. Everybody loved each other.
Full House, Family Matters, Fresh Prince... all very quality tv programming in my opinion. I was actually going to do a full blog on this subject matter, complete with before and after pictures of the child stars - I found a great looking pic of "Stephanie Tanner" looking all slutty, giving her husband a lap dance - but I decided it was too much work, (even though I spent two days researching everything while bored at work on my lunch break.)
I LOVE soup. It is so versatile and usually quite healthy. Just beware of the sodium content. There is literally a soup for every diet. Except the raw food diet. (And I just had an image of somebody chopping up fresh vegetables and putting them in a bowl of cold water and then eating it like soup and it was funny.)
You can put pretty much anything you want in a soup: Cream soups, vegetable soups, soups with rice or pasta, a variety of meats, cheese... whatever you want really. Plus people usually add crackers, bread, or croutons. So yummy!
Something I think I'd like to work on would be a desert soup. I'm not sure how it would work exactly, but it would probably have to be cream based.
I LOVE the song Cinnamon Girl by Neil Young. I would even go as far as saying that it is indeed my favourite song and I have actually listened to it on repeat for twenty minutes in the past.
Here's a wikipedia note for you:
"It debuted on the 1969 album Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere, which was also Young's first album with backing band Crazy Horse. The single reached #55 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 in 1970. Young performed the song on his then recently acquired Gibson Les Paul, "Old Black"."
Notice my proper use of quotation marks. I'm not sure what it is exactly that I love about it so much. Probably the Double Drop D tuning. There have been at least 17 covers of this song. Perhaps you'll recognize artists such as Radiohead, Hawksley Workman, and Motorhead. Hole (Courtney Love's band) used the main riff from Cinnamon Girl in the song Starbelly.
I have never in my life heard any of these covers.
What are three things that you love?
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
"Ah Shitty"
I'm usually on Facebook while at work. I keep it running in the background because while at work I often encounter slow periods which can last up to an hour or sometimes longer. I try very hard to work on other projects while in these slow periods, but sometimes you think that you're going to be busier than you actually are, henceforth you don't start a new project for fear of never completing it.
Anyway, because I'm on Facebook I'm usually using the Facebook Chat application. People greet me and I inform them I'm at work. The person's response is ALWAYS the same: "oh shitty."
Really? Is it really that shitty to be at work? Actually, I happen to like my job. I lucked out hardcore scoring this fucking job, so no, it's not shitty to be at work. I went for an entire month without work. THAT was shitty. I get paid really well to do a job that I love doing. I went to collage to do this job.
Then the person usually asks me where I work. I tell him/her and s/he says cool. That is the end of our conversation.
I have the same conversation several times a week with different people. It annoys me.
I know what it's like to work somewhere you hate. To be standing around in an unflattering, ill-fitted uniform and getting paid minimum wage to do soul-sucking "duties." (*cough*TimHortons*cough*)
In which case, yes, work sucks. But hopefully that isn't your career. What always kept me going was the fact that I knew the exact date my employment there would be terminated and I could go off to college and get a real job I liked. (Plus I got to eat all the free donuts, muffins, hot chocolate, tea, and coffee that I wanted. Nice perks.)
In this day and age there is no reason why people should have to work somewhere they hate working. There are so many interesting and rewarding jobs out there, especially for students! With things like katimavic and summer internships there are a lot of opportunities for young people. And if you don't go to college or university after high school you are basically a moron who deserves to work somewhere you hate because you are not doing yourself any favours.
I painted classrooms and lockers for 4 summers in a row! I loved that job! My boyfriend-at-the-time during my last summer there was complaining that I didn't have enough variety on my resume. He said I should be applying for different jobs every summer to increase my skill set like him.
I told him to fuck off. Why should I waste time applying for a bunch of jobs that I'm not really interested in when I already have a guarenteed position painting schools? Plus, it paid well and I really enjoyed it. What more could I ask for? Also, I think having several different jobs in such a short time span makes you look flakey and unreliable.
He countered with, why aren't you going to college to become a painter then if you like it so much? Again, I told him to fuck off. I told him because I didn't want to be a painter, that's why. I have other goals and dreams, but right now, painting over the summer is an enjoyable way to earn money. My ex can be so dense and annoying.
This blog was part vent part ramble. I hope you were able to make it to the end. If you did, congratulations and thanks for coming!
Anyway, because I'm on Facebook I'm usually using the Facebook Chat application. People greet me and I inform them I'm at work. The person's response is ALWAYS the same: "oh shitty."
Really? Is it really that shitty to be at work? Actually, I happen to like my job. I lucked out hardcore scoring this fucking job, so no, it's not shitty to be at work. I went for an entire month without work. THAT was shitty. I get paid really well to do a job that I love doing. I went to collage to do this job.
Then the person usually asks me where I work. I tell him/her and s/he says cool. That is the end of our conversation.
I have the same conversation several times a week with different people. It annoys me.
I know what it's like to work somewhere you hate. To be standing around in an unflattering, ill-fitted uniform and getting paid minimum wage to do soul-sucking "duties." (*cough*TimHortons*cough*)
In which case, yes, work sucks. But hopefully that isn't your career. What always kept me going was the fact that I knew the exact date my employment there would be terminated and I could go off to college and get a real job I liked. (Plus I got to eat all the free donuts, muffins, hot chocolate, tea, and coffee that I wanted. Nice perks.)
In this day and age there is no reason why people should have to work somewhere they hate working. There are so many interesting and rewarding jobs out there, especially for students! With things like katimavic and summer internships there are a lot of opportunities for young people. And if you don't go to college or university after high school you are basically a moron who deserves to work somewhere you hate because you are not doing yourself any favours.
I painted classrooms and lockers for 4 summers in a row! I loved that job! My boyfriend-at-the-time during my last summer there was complaining that I didn't have enough variety on my resume. He said I should be applying for different jobs every summer to increase my skill set like him.
I told him to fuck off. Why should I waste time applying for a bunch of jobs that I'm not really interested in when I already have a guarenteed position painting schools? Plus, it paid well and I really enjoyed it. What more could I ask for? Also, I think having several different jobs in such a short time span makes you look flakey and unreliable.
He countered with, why aren't you going to college to become a painter then if you like it so much? Again, I told him to fuck off. I told him because I didn't want to be a painter, that's why. I have other goals and dreams, but right now, painting over the summer is an enjoyable way to earn money. My ex can be so dense and annoying.
This blog was part vent part ramble. I hope you were able to make it to the end. If you did, congratulations and thanks for coming!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
The Last Few Days of My Life
I dumped around 250 ml of water on my laptop on Thursday. I have a problem drinking out of tall glasses where I kind of lunge at the glass with my palm first instead of gently wrapping my fingers around it. Most times I'm able to use a sort of swooping motion where my palm makes contact with the side of the glass first and my fingers wrap around the glass second, but at just the right moment so I don't knock the glass over and instead am able to lift the glass up to my mouth in a swift motion.
Unfortunately for me on Thursday my fingers did not wrap around the glass in time.
I screamed bloody murder and ran to get a towel. Dave rushed in with all his technical-paramedic abilities. He turned off the lap top and unplugged it and began wiping it down and unscrewing little screws and sopping up moisture. The water seeped under my keyboard and shorted things out for a bit. I was devastated. My computer would not turn back on again.
The next day we went camping. It was alright. I sun burned my shoulders very badly after hiking through Spirit Sands and didn't wear a bra for two days afterward. (I'm quite reluctant to wear a bra now while typing this at work.)
There's a lot to be said about my camping trip in Spruce Woods, but I won't get into too much detail. Basically the first night we were there a raccoon sniffed out one of our three coolers and ripped open a plastic bag that had oatmeal with raisins in it. That bastard raccoon ate every single one of those raisins!
I felt sort of dumb because there are literally signs posted EVERYWHERE telling you to put away everything that has a smell into your car for the evening. That means coolers, citronella items, bug spray, sunscreen, whatever.
On Sunday I woke up in the morning and said fuck this shit I am going home now! We ate breakfast and packed 'er in even though we had rented the spot until Monday.
Everything takes forever when you're camping. All our wood was soaking wet so it would take forever to get a decent cooking fire going in the morning. It takes forever to boil water. It takes forever to clean up.
It was so cold at night it took forever to fall asleep, plus we had forgotten our pillows and had to roll up our beach towels, or a sweater under our heads.
One thing that was nice was that the bathrooms were very clean. All the toilets were those eco two button toilets. They smelled nice compared to other campground bathrooms. There were very few bugs present. I've been to a few campgrounds in my day and I think birds hill has the most disgusting bathrooms and spruce woods has the nicest. Birds Hill's bathrooms are totally gross, smell nasty, and are covered in bugs. June bugs the size of your head are always hanging outside and inside the bathrooms!
Anyway, so I said fuck camping let's go. I got home and tried to turn on my laptop and it surprisingly turned on, but the keyboard was shorting out. I'd type an "e" and a "we" would come up instead and things like that. The backspace button and delete button would randomly not work. And then all of a sudden bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb would happen even though I never hit the "b" key. My computer would randomly adjust the volume and mute and unmute itself.
We took apart the keyboard, like lifted it out of my laptop, took off every single fucking key and omg there was so much water trapped underneath! My keyboard is currently in front of a window airing out. Hopefully we can dry out all the water otherwise I'll have to order a new keyboard from dell. Thank God my boyfriend is an IT Wizard otherwise I would have been paying a shit ton of money shipping my laptop to dell to have to them replace the keyboard and ship it back to me.
I can still use my laptop. Everything is just mouse oriented. When I want to type I use the On-Screen Keyboard which is a hassle and slow, but better than nothing.
That has been the last few days of my life. I will end my lengthly blog on a ukulele note. I've been practicing really hard and I think I might be getting better!
Unfortunately for me on Thursday my fingers did not wrap around the glass in time.
I screamed bloody murder and ran to get a towel. Dave rushed in with all his technical-paramedic abilities. He turned off the lap top and unplugged it and began wiping it down and unscrewing little screws and sopping up moisture. The water seeped under my keyboard and shorted things out for a bit. I was devastated. My computer would not turn back on again.
The next day we went camping. It was alright. I sun burned my shoulders very badly after hiking through Spirit Sands and didn't wear a bra for two days afterward. (I'm quite reluctant to wear a bra now while typing this at work.)
There's a lot to be said about my camping trip in Spruce Woods, but I won't get into too much detail. Basically the first night we were there a raccoon sniffed out one of our three coolers and ripped open a plastic bag that had oatmeal with raisins in it. That bastard raccoon ate every single one of those raisins!
I felt sort of dumb because there are literally signs posted EVERYWHERE telling you to put away everything that has a smell into your car for the evening. That means coolers, citronella items, bug spray, sunscreen, whatever.
On Sunday I woke up in the morning and said fuck this shit I am going home now! We ate breakfast and packed 'er in even though we had rented the spot until Monday.
Everything takes forever when you're camping. All our wood was soaking wet so it would take forever to get a decent cooking fire going in the morning. It takes forever to boil water. It takes forever to clean up.
It was so cold at night it took forever to fall asleep, plus we had forgotten our pillows and had to roll up our beach towels, or a sweater under our heads.
One thing that was nice was that the bathrooms were very clean. All the toilets were those eco two button toilets. They smelled nice compared to other campground bathrooms. There were very few bugs present. I've been to a few campgrounds in my day and I think birds hill has the most disgusting bathrooms and spruce woods has the nicest. Birds Hill's bathrooms are totally gross, smell nasty, and are covered in bugs. June bugs the size of your head are always hanging outside and inside the bathrooms!
Anyway, so I said fuck camping let's go. I got home and tried to turn on my laptop and it surprisingly turned on, but the keyboard was shorting out. I'd type an "e" and a "we" would come up instead and things like that. The backspace button and delete button would randomly not work. And then all of a sudden bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb would happen even though I never hit the "b" key. My computer would randomly adjust the volume and mute and unmute itself.
We took apart the keyboard, like lifted it out of my laptop, took off every single fucking key and omg there was so much water trapped underneath! My keyboard is currently in front of a window airing out. Hopefully we can dry out all the water otherwise I'll have to order a new keyboard from dell. Thank God my boyfriend is an IT Wizard otherwise I would have been paying a shit ton of money shipping my laptop to dell to have to them replace the keyboard and ship it back to me.
I can still use my laptop. Everything is just mouse oriented. When I want to type I use the On-Screen Keyboard which is a hassle and slow, but better than nothing.
That has been the last few days of my life. I will end my lengthly blog on a ukulele note. I've been practicing really hard and I think I might be getting better!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Response For Jake
I'm very interested to learn how your idea comes about. Did you know the ending as soon as you've started thinking about it? Or did you think "These would be some neat characters, what kind of life would they lead?" or maybe your train of thought went somewhere completely different.
Please answer with a lengthy discourse on the topic. I'm stoked.
Thank you fellow blogger Jake for the query.
This story idea came upon me very quickly, within the span of 3 days actually.
While at Dave's parents' farm I started to think in general terms about what I wanted to write about next. I think in terms of scenes and scenarios. One of the first things that popped into my head was a brother and sister dynamic. I had always wanted an older brother and so the Reece Vaughn character will most likely resemble the brother I wish I had.
Last night in my journal I threw around several ideas and scenarios. They started to build on top of each other and meld together. I thought to myself, okay, here's two teens and maybe this happened to them, or maybe this took place, or perhaps this other thing came about.
Then this morning when I woke up I mapped out a few supportive characters and named them appropriately.
On my dad's side of the family there's a lot of secrets and a lot of unknown events and people. This has intrigued me my entire life. Who is this person? Why have I never met this family member? Where does this person live, if he or she is even still alive? What's the story? So I knew in my next book I wanted there to be some sort of major secret, or perhaps multiple secrets.When I got to work, I did some research on family secrets just to see what kinds of secrets family's typically have.
Once I figured out what the actual secret was going to be, I worked backwards from there to fill in the rest. I wrote the synopsis and I know almost exactly how this book is going to start and end.
It's really exciting because I have so many scenes in my head that I have to write down so that I don't forget what they look and feel like. I often narrate a scene to myself and if I like the way it sounds I'll write it down. But because I already know the entire story start to finish, I'll think about scenes that are plunk in the middle and I have to figure out a way to incorporate it all together. Like little subplots and stuff like that.
Writing fiction is so much easier than writing news! I have all the time in the world and it's so damn fun!
Synopsis for 'Keeping Secrets'
Alright... instead of working this what I've been doing; writing the synopsis for my next novel. I thought I would share it with you all and get some feedback.
Muahahahaha I know the what all the secrets are and you do not! I have the power!
Every family has its secrets. When their mother dies before her time, Reece and Morgan Vaughn start learning things about their family's history they were never supposed to know. A family member they were told was dead turns out to still be alive and well. An aunt and uncle they never knew existed suddenly become their legal guardians. And a secret so huge it tore their family apart, even before the day they were born, was waiting to be uncovered. But the only person who was willing to talk about it was halfway across the country. Leaving the scattered remains of their old life behind, Reece and Morgan set out on a journey to find the one person who would spill the dark secret their family had been hiding from them.
Muahahahaha I know the what all the secrets are and you do not! I have the power!
In The Works
It's been decided as of last night while I was writing in my journal - there will be a second novel for Chelsea Kumka!
I. Am. Stoked!
I wrote a quick synopsis in my journal and then started throwing around some ideas and even came up with a few sub-plots. Gawd I am so excited to start writing this!
This morning I decided on the names of my main characters. I looked up some names on babynames.com because I wanted to make sure my characters names matched well with their personalities. I'll probably start character profiles tonight.
But also tonight... I must edit "Losing It." I specifically drove my car to work instead of taking my bike so I could go directly to the FedEx Ground place to pick my book up when I was done my shift. This is all so exciting for me!
I have half a mind to spill my guts and tell you all of my ideas, but I can't jinx things by saying too much too soon... I must do more research and plan and prepare.
I. Am. Stoked!
I wrote a quick synopsis in my journal and then started throwing around some ideas and even came up with a few sub-plots. Gawd I am so excited to start writing this!
This morning I decided on the names of my main characters. I looked up some names on babynames.com because I wanted to make sure my characters names matched well with their personalities. I'll probably start character profiles tonight.
But also tonight... I must edit "Losing It." I specifically drove my car to work instead of taking my bike so I could go directly to the FedEx Ground place to pick my book up when I was done my shift. This is all so exciting for me!
I have half a mind to spill my guts and tell you all of my ideas, but I can't jinx things by saying too much too soon... I must do more research and plan and prepare.
Monday, July 13, 2009
A New Book
My novel has been sitting at the Fed Ex place since Friday. They'll try to deliver it again today, which (obviously) I won't be home since I'll be at work and I'll have to drive to pick it up and it's a good 30 minute drive.
This weekend though, at the farm, I had much time to day dream and think about a possible new book for me to write. I'm not sure what it will be about. I'm thinking maybe a brother and a sister take a trip together somewhere... Hanging out with Dave's brothers reminds me of how badly I wanted an older brother when I was growing up. Little did I know that I actually did have an older brother. Much older. I've never met him and he wants nothing to do with me. Sort of makes me sad.
But thinking about writing a second novel makes me feel like I'm betraying my first novel. I haven't even completed the editing process and already I'm trying to jump into a new project. Tsk tsk on me. If I've learned anything in life though, it's that thinking about it isn't cheating haha.
I'll just jot down some ideas for now. Maybe there will never be another novel. After all, it's not like I'm going to make money off writing. In fact it will cost me money! I'm sending copies of my book to friends for a laugh. Just a little souvenir of my existence.
The difference between my first book and my second book though is that I wrote 'Losing It' for myself and I really don't care if my friends hate it because I didn't write it for them. But my second book, if I ever write one, I will probably try to write it so that it appeases an audience of more than just myself.
I'm not a trained novelist or anything. I just happen to read a lot of books and I'm going by what I've picked up along the way. But hopefully I will entertain someone anyway.
This weekend though, at the farm, I had much time to day dream and think about a possible new book for me to write. I'm not sure what it will be about. I'm thinking maybe a brother and a sister take a trip together somewhere... Hanging out with Dave's brothers reminds me of how badly I wanted an older brother when I was growing up. Little did I know that I actually did have an older brother. Much older. I've never met him and he wants nothing to do with me. Sort of makes me sad.
But thinking about writing a second novel makes me feel like I'm betraying my first novel. I haven't even completed the editing process and already I'm trying to jump into a new project. Tsk tsk on me. If I've learned anything in life though, it's that thinking about it isn't cheating haha.
I'll just jot down some ideas for now. Maybe there will never be another novel. After all, it's not like I'm going to make money off writing. In fact it will cost me money! I'm sending copies of my book to friends for a laugh. Just a little souvenir of my existence.
The difference between my first book and my second book though is that I wrote 'Losing It' for myself and I really don't care if my friends hate it because I didn't write it for them. But my second book, if I ever write one, I will probably try to write it so that it appeases an audience of more than just myself.
I'm not a trained novelist or anything. I just happen to read a lot of books and I'm going by what I've picked up along the way. But hopefully I will entertain someone anyway.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Camping
I'm going camping next week. I'm very excited about this because I haven't been camping since leaving Pathfinders back in... well I can't remember the year, maybe 2000 or 2001 or something like that.
OH wait... I guess technically I went to the grade 12 graduation camp which was supposed to be a fun weekend that the grade 12's planned by themselves without the permission of the school or parents. There were a lot of people that showed up that were not in grade 12 and in fact had already graduated the year before, or else were in grade 11.
It wasn't that fun. I can't remember if I even spent one night in the tent. I don't think I did. (It's a nice tent! Sleeps ten people and it's one of those nice swiss army tents. Got it on sale at liquidation world.)
I just remember taking a classmate's virginity, sober, everyone making fun of me, lots of drunk annoying people that I hated, and then taking down my tent in the pouring rain and driving home in the middle of the night almost falling asleep at the wheel.
I don't classify that as real camping.
And then when I got home, I set the tent up to dry because it was soaking wet. It rained again before my tent could dry. My tent broke. That was the first and last time I used that tent. How disappointing. But I still have it. It's the only tent I own.
So now Dave and I are going camping in Spruce Woods. I'm really excited because it will be just the two of us and we are going to go swimming and hiking and eat smores and maybe go canoeing or use the paddle-boats! We'll have a few beers and sing Nirvana around the campfire, then get frisky in my broken ten-man tent which you can literally fit two picnic tables inside.
I bought and read a book called Trail Cooking published in the 1980's and there's some good information about eating and cooking in the wild. That will come in very useful. I need to pick up a few camping supplies for cooking. And firewood and kindling too.
I'm hoping this will be a pleasant, romantic weekend.
OH wait... I guess technically I went to the grade 12 graduation camp which was supposed to be a fun weekend that the grade 12's planned by themselves without the permission of the school or parents. There were a lot of people that showed up that were not in grade 12 and in fact had already graduated the year before, or else were in grade 11.
It wasn't that fun. I can't remember if I even spent one night in the tent. I don't think I did. (It's a nice tent! Sleeps ten people and it's one of those nice swiss army tents. Got it on sale at liquidation world.)
I just remember taking a classmate's virginity, sober, everyone making fun of me, lots of drunk annoying people that I hated, and then taking down my tent in the pouring rain and driving home in the middle of the night almost falling asleep at the wheel.
I don't classify that as real camping.
And then when I got home, I set the tent up to dry because it was soaking wet. It rained again before my tent could dry. My tent broke. That was the first and last time I used that tent. How disappointing. But I still have it. It's the only tent I own.
So now Dave and I are going camping in Spruce Woods. I'm really excited because it will be just the two of us and we are going to go swimming and hiking and eat smores and maybe go canoeing or use the paddle-boats! We'll have a few beers and sing Nirvana around the campfire, then get frisky in my broken ten-man tent which you can literally fit two picnic tables inside.
I bought and read a book called Trail Cooking published in the 1980's and there's some good information about eating and cooking in the wild. That will come in very useful. I need to pick up a few camping supplies for cooking. And firewood and kindling too.
I'm hoping this will be a pleasant, romantic weekend.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
COMPLETION! (almost)
MY BOOK IS COMPLETE!!!!!
I feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment!
It's taken me years to finish this damn thing and now it finally is! It really is done!
Actually I'm leading you on. My book is not complete. It must now go through a serious of vigorous edits and changes and re-writes. What I should be shouting out instead is that the core writing of my book is complete. That doesn't have the same ring to it unfortunately.
I've sort of been editing my book as I go along. I stop writing for a few months and then when I start again, I have to read my book from the beginning to get my mind back in the right mode. But because I have fresh eyes, I notice all these mistakes or I find a certain sentence to be too wordy, or cheesy sounding. This is an erotic teen romance novel after all. It's very easy to sound cheesy. Oh that rhymed.
See how clever of a writer I can be? (Don't answer that)
I must admit though, I am never quite satisfied with my work. There's always something that I find I want to alter slightly, or change the wording. I can honestly say that I have re-wrote the beginning of this book at least 4 times, possibly 5 times. That's not including the subtle edits that I made to sentences and stuff like that. I couldn't count how many of those I've done.
There are a handful of sex scenes that I'm proud of. They really stand out in my mind as being sexy and not corny. (Oh gawd I hope none of them are corny!!!) But they're plausible. They could happen in real life. In fact they probably have happened in real life. I don't like reading sex scenes that are over the top and in real life wouldn't make any sense. Let me tell you, I read a lot of word porn!!
I find that the sex scenes written by others have too much going on in them. Like, they change positions and locations too much. Personally, when I'm naked and having sex with David, (are you visualizing this yet?) I like to stick to two or three positions. (Not the same ones every time, but I mean, 2 or 3 positions out of the possible hundreds that there are.) Any more than that is sort of unnecessary unless we've chosen a position that isn't working out for us. And we hardly ever change locations in the house. I can think of one time we were doing it on the couch all awkwardly and suddenly we realized we had this beautiful queen sized bed not being used for anything.
When I'm reading my word-porn and the couple is giving each other oral in the living room, but then oh wait, they need strawberries, so they go into the kitchen and end up doing it doggy on the counter and missionary on the table, then they go into the bedroom and there's whip cream and ice cubes and handcuffs and a feather boa, then the doorbell rings and it's their sexy friend who shaves and that person joins in too... it's like whoa whoa there Mr./Mrs. Author slow down! One thought at a time please! Nobody actually does that when they have sex.
I also understand that erotica is part fantasy, in which case, why not do it in every position in every room of the house twice before ejaculating? Hell, throw in some aliens and nuclear war while you're at it!
Anyway, I'm sort of getting off topic here. The point of this blog was to notify my handful of readers that my book is pretty much done. I just have to spend about a month editing it and reworking a few parts that I think are weak or need improving. Then, if all goes well I will be publishing it with the help of lulu.com and sending y'all copies. If you want one. Please say you'll read my book.
I feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment!
It's taken me years to finish this damn thing and now it finally is! It really is done!
Actually I'm leading you on. My book is not complete. It must now go through a serious of vigorous edits and changes and re-writes. What I should be shouting out instead is that the core writing of my book is complete. That doesn't have the same ring to it unfortunately.
I've sort of been editing my book as I go along. I stop writing for a few months and then when I start again, I have to read my book from the beginning to get my mind back in the right mode. But because I have fresh eyes, I notice all these mistakes or I find a certain sentence to be too wordy, or cheesy sounding. This is an erotic teen romance novel after all. It's very easy to sound cheesy. Oh that rhymed.
See how clever of a writer I can be? (Don't answer that)
I must admit though, I am never quite satisfied with my work. There's always something that I find I want to alter slightly, or change the wording. I can honestly say that I have re-wrote the beginning of this book at least 4 times, possibly 5 times. That's not including the subtle edits that I made to sentences and stuff like that. I couldn't count how many of those I've done.
There are a handful of sex scenes that I'm proud of. They really stand out in my mind as being sexy and not corny. (Oh gawd I hope none of them are corny!!!) But they're plausible. They could happen in real life. In fact they probably have happened in real life. I don't like reading sex scenes that are over the top and in real life wouldn't make any sense. Let me tell you, I read a lot of word porn!!
I find that the sex scenes written by others have too much going on in them. Like, they change positions and locations too much. Personally, when I'm naked and having sex with David, (are you visualizing this yet?) I like to stick to two or three positions. (Not the same ones every time, but I mean, 2 or 3 positions out of the possible hundreds that there are.) Any more than that is sort of unnecessary unless we've chosen a position that isn't working out for us. And we hardly ever change locations in the house. I can think of one time we were doing it on the couch all awkwardly and suddenly we realized we had this beautiful queen sized bed not being used for anything.
When I'm reading my word-porn and the couple is giving each other oral in the living room, but then oh wait, they need strawberries, so they go into the kitchen and end up doing it doggy on the counter and missionary on the table, then they go into the bedroom and there's whip cream and ice cubes and handcuffs and a feather boa, then the doorbell rings and it's their sexy friend who shaves and that person joins in too... it's like whoa whoa there Mr./Mrs. Author slow down! One thought at a time please! Nobody actually does that when they have sex.
I also understand that erotica is part fantasy, in which case, why not do it in every position in every room of the house twice before ejaculating? Hell, throw in some aliens and nuclear war while you're at it!
Anyway, I'm sort of getting off topic here. The point of this blog was to notify my handful of readers that my book is pretty much done. I just have to spend about a month editing it and reworking a few parts that I think are weak or need improving. Then, if all goes well I will be publishing it with the help of lulu.com and sending y'all copies. If you want one. Please say you'll read my book.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
People You Meet
Yesterday I was walking to work on Canada Day and I saw two women sitting on a bench by a bus stop. The street was completely void of all traffic and people except for us three on the sidewalk. As I passed them I noticed that one of the women was actually a man dressed in women's clothing. He said "Hi, sweetie" in this high pitched voice. I waved and I said hi back. Then the person said, "HAPPY CANADA DAY" in this manly voice and just screamed it at me. I burst out laughing and laughed about it the whole way to work.
Then this morning I stopped off at a convenience store to get a granola bar and juice box to eat while I walked to work when "Mr. Brown" walked in. He was an elderly Jamaican man who everyone in the store called Mr. Brown. Mr. Brown greeted me with, "Hello young lady." and I said hello back. He told me it was nice of me to say hello to him and I asked him how his Canada Day was. Apparently he doesn't care about Canada Day because he's from Jamaica and he doesn't even know how old Canada is. I told him a 142 years.
I paid for my stuff and I turned to look at him and his fucking hand was pretending to reach into my bag. He looked at me and said, "Gonna get your wallet." I said very funny and walked out of the store, but first I checked to make sure he didn't actually take anything. He didn't. Fucker.
I wonder who I'll meet tomorrow on my way to work.
Then this morning I stopped off at a convenience store to get a granola bar and juice box to eat while I walked to work when "Mr. Brown" walked in. He was an elderly Jamaican man who everyone in the store called Mr. Brown. Mr. Brown greeted me with, "Hello young lady." and I said hello back. He told me it was nice of me to say hello to him and I asked him how his Canada Day was. Apparently he doesn't care about Canada Day because he's from Jamaica and he doesn't even know how old Canada is. I told him a 142 years.
I paid for my stuff and I turned to look at him and his fucking hand was pretending to reach into my bag. He looked at me and said, "Gonna get your wallet." I said very funny and walked out of the store, but first I checked to make sure he didn't actually take anything. He didn't. Fucker.
I wonder who I'll meet tomorrow on my way to work.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Back To Square One
As you may have witnessed through occasionally reading my blog, I have relapsed from exercising and proper diet. It's shameful, I'm aware. If I lived in China I'd probably be excommunicated from my family by now.
Good thing every new day gives me the chance to a start fresh again! Canada: Land of opportunities.
I have been exercising on the rare occasion. My breakfasts usually consist of an individual sized homemade no-bake cheesecake I made myself. It's literally flavoured cream cheese mixed with frozen juice concentrate and a wafer cookie. They're not very big, just the size of a regular muffin tin.
To make myself feel better about my poor breakfast decision, I top my cheesecake with fresh raspberries.
At lunch I eat a variety of things. Sometimes leftovers from supper the night before. Sometimes I order the lunch special from our cafeteria at work. Other times I grab a pita or a booster juice. Sometimes I eat chips or chocolate from the vending machine. (Of course I try not to.)
Supper time is usually when I eat my healthiest meal. I'm able to spend the time required to make something tasty and healthy.
*BIG SIGH* I've been doing some light reading and also a lot of thinking about how I'm going to manage my health over the summer and get myself back on track. I wouldn't mind losing a few pounds and attempting to tone and sculpt my lady-figure.
I'm going to attempt a lifestyle change. Gasp. I know, I know... I'm crazy! (like a fox!)
One of the main reasons why I keep relapsing is because my current lifestyle allows me to. I have little order and structure in my average day. I like to blame my work schedule for my shortcomings. In all honesty though, I have something few people have: Spare Time. I should be using this power for good and not evil! I should be using it to prepare more healthful meals and to exercise more. Some people would figuratively kill themselves to have as much free time as I do.
I've started a meal plan for myself.
However, once a week, you are allowed to indulge in whatever craving you please throughout the entire day. This spike in caloric intake sort of keeps your body in check apparently. Plus, you don't go into withdrawals if you're allowed to eat the food you really like in moderation. After a while, you may find you don't even crave the junk food you used to since your body is getting everything it needs from your new healthy food you're eating.
On top of all that is my exercise plan! I commenced walking to and from work everyday, yesterday! Every morning I wait about 10 minutes at the bus stop and then I'm on the bus for 20 minutes. It also takes me 30 minutes to walk to work. How convenient. I now choose the 'walk option'.
Dave, if you are reading this, NO I'M NOT TAKING MY BIKE TO WORK SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY!
Except on Mondays and Thursdays I can't walk home because at 7:30 both nights I have a pottery or group exercise class to attend and I cannot be late for either!
If I can keep up this charade until the first snow fall, I'll decide what to do about winter.
Good thing every new day gives me the chance to a start fresh again! Canada: Land of opportunities.
I have been exercising on the rare occasion. My breakfasts usually consist of an individual sized homemade no-bake cheesecake I made myself. It's literally flavoured cream cheese mixed with frozen juice concentrate and a wafer cookie. They're not very big, just the size of a regular muffin tin.
To make myself feel better about my poor breakfast decision, I top my cheesecake with fresh raspberries.
At lunch I eat a variety of things. Sometimes leftovers from supper the night before. Sometimes I order the lunch special from our cafeteria at work. Other times I grab a pita or a booster juice. Sometimes I eat chips or chocolate from the vending machine. (Of course I try not to.)
Supper time is usually when I eat my healthiest meal. I'm able to spend the time required to make something tasty and healthy.
*BIG SIGH* I've been doing some light reading and also a lot of thinking about how I'm going to manage my health over the summer and get myself back on track. I wouldn't mind losing a few pounds and attempting to tone and sculpt my lady-figure.
I'm going to attempt a lifestyle change. Gasp. I know, I know... I'm crazy! (like a fox!)
One of the main reasons why I keep relapsing is because my current lifestyle allows me to. I have little order and structure in my average day. I like to blame my work schedule for my shortcomings. In all honesty though, I have something few people have: Spare Time. I should be using this power for good and not evil! I should be using it to prepare more healthful meals and to exercise more. Some people would figuratively kill themselves to have as much free time as I do.
I've started a meal plan for myself.
- I'm back to no starches and no refined sugar once more!
- I'm loading up on lean meats and lots of fruits and vegetables!
- I'm cutting out fruit juice and cutting back on dairy!
- I'm still going to eat whole grain pasta and brown rice, but just limit my intake.
- I'm going to to start eating yams again.
- I'm going to attempt to incorporate lentils into my diet.
However, once a week, you are allowed to indulge in whatever craving you please throughout the entire day. This spike in caloric intake sort of keeps your body in check apparently. Plus, you don't go into withdrawals if you're allowed to eat the food you really like in moderation. After a while, you may find you don't even crave the junk food you used to since your body is getting everything it needs from your new healthy food you're eating.
On top of all that is my exercise plan! I commenced walking to and from work everyday, yesterday! Every morning I wait about 10 minutes at the bus stop and then I'm on the bus for 20 minutes. It also takes me 30 minutes to walk to work. How convenient. I now choose the 'walk option'.
Dave, if you are reading this, NO I'M NOT TAKING MY BIKE TO WORK SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY!
Except on Mondays and Thursdays I can't walk home because at 7:30 both nights I have a pottery or group exercise class to attend and I cannot be late for either!
If I can keep up this charade until the first snow fall, I'll decide what to do about winter.
